Originally posted by Sour Masher
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As much as we think back over our personal and professional lives and conclude that we are not guilty of the type of misconduct which would lead to a charge of inappropriate behaviour, the matter is really out of our hands for various reasons. One is because sexual harrassment is often in the eye of the victim. Exactly what was said 20 years ago, the nature of the relationship, whether an embrace was consensual...perceptions of these things can be subjective and can even change over time. Another reason is that we do things from time to time by which we intend absolutely no harm or offense, but which are taken very negatively and personally. A remark that someone looks pretty might seem harmless to one but offensive to another. A touch on the arm intended to be comforting can be seen as condescending. There are also cases in which we just forget the stuff that we did...dropping a hand to a butt while slow-dancing at a law school drinking party (still sorry about that Hillary). Inviting someone to go home with you who was not, it turns out, no the same wave length as you. And there are also, regrettably, people who just take some things too seriously. The Law has always recognized that society is a rough and tumble place and that no 'unpermitted touching' or perceived wrong has a legal recourse. Sometimes you just have to chalk it up to being in the wrong place at the wrong time and go on. I'm not victim-blaming here, just pointing out that there are many situations in life we can avoid or we can consciously take the risk of sub-optimal consequences.
A lot of us have been subjected to sexual assault and had to just deal with it. I'll share my story if anyone wants to read it.
The point is that not only can any one of us be a victim, but any one of us can suddenly become the accused. I think about it often. I may have mentioned it before, but one of my former secretaries sued a ton of lawyers she worked for, me being the only one left out of the suit. While I was gratified, I realize that I was fortunate not to be lumped in. She was crazy as hell, and could have just as easily worked me into her fantasy world.
I worry that some former girlfriend or date or girl I don't even remember will pop up and say I mistreated them in 1975 or 1992. How would I prove otherwise? It would hurt me, for several reasons. If it were someone I couldn't remember, it would hurt especially because my default position would be to give them credibility until something throws their story into doubt.
Two weeks ago I ran into a young woman I used to work with. We were pretty good "work friends" and shared stories about family, hobbies, etc. She smiled, walked over and went to hug me. Instinctively I stepped back from her. Instantly, we were both embarrassed and we both knew why. We recovered and had a brief chat, but a nice moment was lost.
This whole development will create massive issues for society and reshape the male-female dynamic. I'm afraid it will not be for the better.
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