Senorsheep Presents: Adventures In Online Dating

[senorsheep]

Perhaps the womenfolk are a little more aggressive in Colorado than they were in New Jersey.

Heh. I've been wondering if something in my personality profile is responsible for attracting so many aggressive women. I seem to have a lot of matches who skip the guided communication process entirely and go straight to direct communication. These leapfroggers are real wildcards; they tend to rank among the very best or the very worst of the lot.

Other unexplainable trends: I seem to attract a lot of hardcore runners and fitness freaks (I am neither), a lot of teachers and nurses, and, most puzzling of all, women who are really into German culture.

[senorsheep]

Particularly considering how your online persona is generally so warm and welcoming.

It's funny, actually. When I first posted my profile, I played it safe, and stuck with the banalities that I figured women would want to hear. Eventually, after reading a hundred or so of their profiles with similar banalities, I came to realize how much I disliked them, and how I was drawn much more to those women who were unafraid to take a risk and really put their personalities out there. So I redid my profile from scratch, and really cranked up the Sheep factor. I figured that 19 out of every 20 matches would likely flee in terror, but whoever was left would be far more likely to be my kinda girl.

After I did that, the quantity and quality of my responses both went way up.

[senorsheep]

Anyway, the process of online dating sort of intrigues me, the actuality of dating scares me. I think I would like to see if anyone would ever be interested in me, but I don't think I would actually want to go out with anyone. I guess I want to know if I could even flirt before I ever would even think about trying to be interesting.

Based on all that, I really think you should give it a try. It's about as safe as dating gets - you can pull the plug with no consequences whenever you want. And I think you'll be amazed at the demand for decent guys in our age group.

[heyelander]

it's apparently a free contact time until the end of February.

[senorsheep]

I've been fairly inactive on the dating scene the last few years, partly for financial reasons (now resolved), partly because of my bubbly personality, and partly because almost all the women I meet are too young, too used, psychotic, utterly vapid, or a combination.

About a month ago, while having dinner with my mother and one of her best friends, the "friend", who has known me since I was in junior high, said, "You're better off not getting married at this point. You're too set in your ways." I thought that was a hell of a thing to say, especially since I was the one paying for dinner.

That got me both aggravated and motivated. Online dating may be the way to go, given the women I've been meeting live.

I'll be interested in hearing your experiences.

thatrogue says:

Well, considering how much marriage requires reasonable (and sometimes what seems like unreasonable) compromise, that sounds less like an insult than a piece of advice well worth evaluating.

[senorsheep]

TopChuckie says:

I tried it a few years ago, got sucked in by the "what the heck, let's see what's out there" eHarmony free weekend.

It was free over New Year's weekend and about 300 matches later I had my first in-person date in February and we were together for two years. She was a great girl but she wasn't "the one" and she was in her early 30's and wanted kids so I didn't want to take any more of those years away from her.

My biggest piece of advice is take it slow and before you go on an actual date, have several phone calls where you have so much fun talking you don't want to stop. That way you can be pretty sure your first date will be successful and you'll be less likely to have to go through the awkward breaking it off process.

Once you see them in person I think they most definitely deserve an explanation if you don't want to continue. I had one subsequent date with a second girl that I had already arranged before the first date with the first girl. I figured these are the two best, I'll meet both, and go from there. After the second date I decided I liked the first girl better so I was completely honest with the second, told her I just felt I clicked better with the first, she asked, "Do I get a trophy for second place." That stung a little bit.

The other thing to remember is, just like you, they have many matches to sort through also, so they are probably communicating with several guys at the same time they are communicating with you and you might not always be #1 in the response queue. That could be for several reasons, maybe some other guy just got started with her a week before so they are a week further into the process.

But, those girls that get all bent out of shape if you don't get back to them on THEIR time frame, that's a red flag right there. Thinking about a relationship with them makes me shiver.

[heyelander]

post padder

[senorsheep]

TopChuckie says:

Oh, another story, I have a girl-friend who applied for eHarmony and they rejected her. I like to tease her that they basically said, "We're sorry, we can't in good conscience take your money, you're that unmatchable."

...

They didn't say [why they rejected her], but I suspect it has to do with her responses to their application/personality evaluation and their Christian foundation, as she is not, but please don't let that turn this into another religious RJ thread.

...

She eventually got on eHarmony and many other sites, so I got a look from the other side, and I have to say, it's is scary what options are out there for women and the ridiculous approaches men take. She actually wrote back to several guys asking if their schtick actually works with some girls, it was that awful. Apparently most guys lose all sense of subtlety once they get online.

[senorsheep]

My biggest piece of advice is take it slow and before you go on an actual date, have several phone calls where you have so much fun talking you don't want to stop. That way you can be pretty sure your first date will be successful and you'll be less likely to have to go through the awkward breaking it off process.

miked322 says:

From someone who met and married his wife on JDate, I politely disagree with the above statement.

My online dating experiences (plenty) started with the above strategy, but I found that this really just makes things super-awkward for the first date, as you stare at her wondering what to say because everything -- and I mean everything -- has been said in four 2-hour phone calls.

With the person who turned out to be my wife, we e-mailed twice -- the first exchange established we were both interested in meeting, and the second had my phone number. We talked on the phone only to hear each other's voices and to schedule the first date.

I say let the magic happen face-to-face....plus if you dont hit it off with someone, you havent wasted 14 hours (the equivalent of probably 4 dates at least) on phone and email bullcrap.

Just my opinion.

[senorsheep]

From someone who met and married his wife on JDate, I politely disagree with the above statement.

My online dating experiences (plenty) started with the above strategy, but I found that this really just makes things super-awkward for the first date, as you stare at her wondering what to say because everything -- and I mean everything -- has been said in four 2-hour phone calls.

With the person who turned out to be my wife, we e-mailed twice -- the first exchange established we were both interested in meeting, and the second had my phone number. We talked on the phone only to hear each other's voices and to schedule the first date.

I say let the magic happen face-to-face....plus if you dont hit it off with someone, you havent wasted 14 hours (the equivalent of probably 4 dates at least) on phone and email bullcrap.

Just my opinion.

TopChuckie says:

I'd say you just got lucky. If she's the one, she's the one whether you wait or not, but usually they are not the one. My advice applies to dealing with what most likely will turn out to be "not the ones".

If you said it all in four 2-hour phone calls, and then have nothing to talk about, you obviously weren't right for each other and got very unlucky that you ran out of things to talk about right at the 8 hour mark, just before you would have realized it on the next phone call, i.e. if you can fill four 2-hour phone calls and it's still going strong, it's very unlikely you will all of a sudden have run out of things to talk about the next time you communicate.

My girl and I said our first date was so comfortable it felt like we knew each other for years. Plus, she was a 3-hour drive away and I spent the night, in a separate room and her sister was her roommate, so while that was still a bad move on her part and she just got lucky I wasn't a serial killer, it still mandated getting a pretty good feel for each other before taking that step.

[senorsheep]

TopChuckie says:

Another story, she's going to love that I'm sharing her disaster stories, she had a first date with a dude, they met for dinner, after they ordered, but before the food was served he went to the bathroom. A few minutes later she got a text that he wasn't feeling well, must have eaten some bad fish earlier, and went home, leaving her with the bill and an uneaten meal. Nice guy.

The only excuse I could have made for the guy was maybe he sh*t his pants on the way to the bathroom and just had to get out of there.

My "get to know them on the phone first" advice above comes more from all the disasters she's been on and then usually she had to get out of after getting herself into something she never should have been in in the first place.

[senorsheep]

They didn't say, but I suspect it has to do with her responses to their application/personality evaluation and their Christian foundation.

Erik says:

I don't think the latter is much of a factor. It's all about the former, judging from those I know of who got rejected. From this very small sample size, it seems to be people who are very anti-social or have so few interests that it doesn't give them anything to work with. Also people who have been married four times or more -- but they say up front that those folks are ineligible.

[senorsheep]

I don't think the latter is much of a factor. It's all about the former, judging from those I know of who got rejected. From this very small sample size, it seems to be people who are very anti-social or have so few interests that it doesn't give them anything to work with. Also people who have been married four times or more -- but they say up front that those folks are ineligible.

TopChuckie says:

She is neither. She is the social director of our large group of friends, she's the funniest, loudest, most uninhibited girl I know, up for anything, and she's never been married and doesn't have any kids.

She will use the occasional illegal drug, drinks plenty, and doesn't believe in religion(s). I suspect those sort of qualities don't go over well at eHarmony.

For the record, I have never touched an illegal drug.

[senorsheep]

Teenwolf says:

I'm a veteran in online dating. If I had to guess, I'd say I've been on dates with around 30 (maybe 40, although that seems a bit high) girls I met through dating sites.

Everybody is different, but for me, I tried to set my expectations really really low. I've already related some of my horror stories in the Friarfan Chronicles thread, so I'll just sum it up by saying that even if you think you've screened out all of the crazies, trust me, they have ways of sneaking through.

For example, one girl I went out with a few times, maybe 3 or 4 times over 2 weeks. Things just fizzled out. She was a roller derby girl with bad taste in music, movies, etc. No big deal. But then a year later I see her on a dating site with dyed hair and a completely manufactured profile. Her job, interests, background, etc, was all 100% different than I knew her to be. It was scary to think that someone could be role-playing their entire life in such a psychotic way.

Suggestions for sheep:

1 - Do NOT have any pictures "showing off your guns". This puts you in league with the absolute worst of men in online dating. If you're muscular, you won't need to choose pictures that show that. If anything, don't bother showing that side of you off, and when they meet you in person they'll be all the more pleasantly surprised.

2 - Never date a girl that has no pictures of her from the neck or chest up. She is a fatty. Even if you don't mind fatties, the girls with deceptive pictures can't be trusted anyway.

3 - I find one of the more enjoyable activities in online dating is talking about the entire process with your dates. This way, you get to see their sense of humor while also finding out the things they really dislike or find offensive.

Others have already given good tips. I'm on the "minimal pre-talk, just meet up for a quick coffee and go from there" side of things. Probably because I've been burned getting my expectations set before being massively disappointed.

Let's hear about some dates.

[senorsheep]

Suggestions for sheep:

1 - Do NOT have any pictures "showing off your guns". This puts you in league with the absolute worst of men in online dating. If you're muscular, you won't need to choose pictures that show that. If anything, don't bother showing that side of you off, and when they meet you in person they'll be all the more pleasantly surprised.

I was kidding. I just picked the full-body photo to show that I'm not a fattie, per your comment below.

2 - Never date a girl that has no pictures of her from the neck or chest up. She is a fatty. Even if you don't mind fatties, the girls with deceptive pictures can't be trusted anyway.

Check. Other profile picture red flags:

1) Photo profile consists of a single "glamour shot."
2) All photos are long-range shots.
3) Picture was taken in a club that has been closed for eight years.

3 - I find one of the more enjoyable activities in online dating is talking about the entire process with your dates. This way, you get to see their sense of humor while also finding out the things they really dislike or find offensive.

Aye. Discussing the online dating process is perfect, because 1) It's one thing you know you have in common, and 2) I think most people harbor some degree of awkwardness or embarrassment about meeting this way, and it can be a nice bonding experience to get that all out in the open.