So I'm getting married

[Steve]

Congrats.

If it's any consolation, my grandfather was married 4 times and my parents have both divorced and remarried. I've been married 8 years and we just had our second daughter. I'm not planning secret getaways in the night. Of course, I work in the beer world, so I have plenty of escapism. This probably isn't helping you. Ignore me.

This is my second marriage and my wife's third and we've been married for 26 years now. Of course, we do things a little different than most couples as we keep our $ completely separate. It's not for everyone, but it works for us.

[B-Fly]

Congrats, Bodz! I'm thrilled for you!

As for advice, I think healthy communication is probably the biggest key to working through inevitable conflicts. If one person starts resenting the other about anything and the couple can't have a productive conversation about it where both spouses can speak and listen to each other with true empathy and a commitment to finding workable solutions and compromises, then there are problems. And many of the biggest conversations, of course - kids, religion, financial security, life goals - are best had before you get engaged, but at the very least before you get married.

[umjewman]

Congrats, Bodz!

As far as advice is concerned, I would suggest doing the tiers of starting pitching again. Wait, no, that's what would make us happy. Never mind.

[Erik]

Congrats!

The most important issue -- what are her thoughts on your taking time to compile the Tiers of Starting Pitching in the winter/spring?

[heyelander]

Lots of passive aggression and non-communicated resentment, and spite... lots of spite. At least that's how I did it...

[SeaDogStat]

My advice is to hire a house cleaner to come ever other week or so. Saved my marriage.

I just bought my wife a Rug Doctor... saved her marriage

[chancellor]

Bodz - Awesome news on many fronts, and congrats on your upcoming wedding!

As a couple guys have noted, communication is key. In my experience both in my marriage and talking to friends, three areas of making sure the two of you are in agreement on before the wedding are key - how you'll handle finances, how you'll handle disagreements with in-laws, and when/if the time comes, how you'll handle discipline with kids.

And elD's advice also isn't bad if one of you is a neat freak and the other isn't.

[Judge Jude]

Good advice, all.

It is challenging when one spouse is from "Leave it to Beaver" land and the other from "Roseanne" - and plenty of people grew up just wishing they had the kind of support from family, however sarcastic, that the latter did.

VERY important to understand each one's money philosophy, as noted.

And if either had a very difficult previous relationship, both should look to see if that person starts, in emotional distress, to start lashing out at a now nonexistent person in the dynamic.

For men: just shut up and listen. It seems so illogical to be presented a problem and not recommend a solution - but DON'T, at least not that night. Just tough it out for like 5 extra minutes, and you'll be glad you did. Sometimes, VERY glad.

An ex's mom once told me that if both of us felt like we were giving 75 pct each of the combined effort, we'd probably be ok. Good advice - try to give 75 pct.

And be kind.

[Mithrandir]

While I think you guys are helpful with the good advice you are providing, it makes me chuckle that you feel the need to provide it.

Bodz should know his fiancée well enough to know how to treat their relationship and if he needs the advice given here (which is very good advice) I feel sorry for his future wife.

My reaction to all the advice has been "no sh!t". But sadly, I guess there are guys out there that really don't know the stuff you guys are saying.

[Bodhizefa]

While I think you guys are helpful with the good advice you are providing, it makes me chuckle that you feel the need to provide it.

Bodz should know his fiancée well enough to know how to treat their relationship and if he needs the advice given here (which is very good advice) I feel sorry for his future wife.

My reaction to all the advice has been "no sh!t". But sadly, I guess there are guys out there that really don't know the stuff you guys are saying.

No offense, man, but I'm actually really appreciating all the advice. My models for relationships have been pretty awful, and I asked because I want to get this right. Some of that knowledge I've gleaned over the years in my own relationships, but some of this stuff is unknowable until the time comes. I'm very happy that you seem to know everything about relationships for your own sake, but I will always be a work in progress (as, I'm sure, a lot of others out there are). People (and relationships) are in a constant state of change, and I don't think many people know exactly how to navigate that type of flux without failing along the way.

To everyone else, I appreciate all the kind words and thoughts. Please, by all means, keep the ideas and advice coming. I'm sure this won't be the last time I'll be on here asking

[JudeBaldo]

No offense, man, but I'm actually really appreciating all the advice. My models for relationships have been pretty awful, and I asked because I want to get this right. Some of that knowledge I've gleaned over the years in my own relationships, but some of this stuff is unknowable until the time comes. I'm very happy that you seem to know everything about relationships for your own sake, but I will always be a work in progress (as, I'm sure, a lot of others out there are). People (and relationships) are in a constant state of change, and I don't think many people know exactly how to navigate that type of flux without failing along the way.

To everyone else, I appreciate all the kind words and thoughts. Please, by all means, keep the ideas and advice coming. I'm sure this won't be the last time I'll be on here asking

DO NOT LISTEN to librarians.

I think the thing I would be most concerned with is how does one stay engaged once the initial euphoria of being married has subsided. I'm sure it's different for everyone.

[Mithrandir]

DO NOT LISTEN to librarians.

I think the thing I would be most concerned with is how does one stay engaged once the initial euphoria of being married has subsided. I'm sure it's different for everyone.

I believe you have to really like your spouse and believe she is a good person. Someone you can trust. Someone you enjoy just being with.

[virgonomic]

Congrats, Bods. We can tell from the photos that you haven't forgotten your roots here. Thanks for checking in and keep us posted!