Originally posted by Long John
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So I'm getting married
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Congrats, Bodz! I'm thrilled for you!
As for advice, I think healthy communication is probably the biggest key to working through inevitable conflicts. If one person starts resenting the other about anything and the couple can't have a productive conversation about it where both spouses can speak and listen to each other with true empathy and a commitment to finding workable solutions and compromises, then there are problems. And many of the biggest conversations, of course - kids, religion, financial security, life goals - are best had before you get engaged, but at the very least before you get married.
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Lots of passive aggression and non-communicated resentment, and spite... lots of spite. At least that's how I did it...Last edited by heyelander; 08-06-2012, 04:41 PM.I'm not expecting to grow flowers in the desert...
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Originally posted by eldiablo505My advice is to hire a house cleaner to come ever other week or so. Saved my marriage.I always liked Alfonseca and he is twice the pitcher Hall of Famer Mordecai Brown was - cavebird 12-8-05
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Bodz - Awesome news on many fronts, and congrats on your upcoming wedding!
As a couple guys have noted, communication is key. In my experience both in my marriage and talking to friends, three areas of making sure the two of you are in agreement on before the wedding are key - how you'll handle finances, how you'll handle disagreements with in-laws, and when/if the time comes, how you'll handle discipline with kids.
And elD's advice also isn't bad if one of you is a neat freak and the other isn't.I'm just here for the baseball.
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Good advice, all.
It is challenging when one spouse is from "Leave it to Beaver" land and the other from "Roseanne" - and plenty of people grew up just wishing they had the kind of support from family, however sarcastic, that the latter did.
VERY important to understand each one's money philosophy, as noted.
And if either had a very difficult previous relationship, both should look to see if that person starts, in emotional distress, to start lashing out at a now nonexistent person in the dynamic.
For men: just shut up and listen. It seems so illogical to be presented a problem and not recommend a solution - but DON'T, at least not that night. Just tough it out for like 5 extra minutes, and you'll be glad you did. Sometimes, VERY glad.
An ex's mom once told me that if both of us felt like we were giving 75 pct each of the combined effort, we'd probably be ok. Good advice - try to give 75 pct.
And be kind.finished 10th in this 37th yr in 11-team-only NL 5x5
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While I think you guys are helpful with the good advice you are providing, it makes me chuckle that you feel the need to provide it.
Bodz should know his fiancée well enough to know how to treat their relationship and if he needs the advice given here (which is very good advice) I feel sorry for his future wife.
My reaction to all the advice has been "no sh!t". But sadly, I guess there are guys out there that really don't know the stuff you guys are saying."I lingered round them, under that benign sky: watched the moths fluttering among the heath and harebells, listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass, and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth."
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Originally posted by Mithrandir View PostWhile I think you guys are helpful with the good advice you are providing, it makes me chuckle that you feel the need to provide it.
Bodz should know his fiancée well enough to know how to treat their relationship and if he needs the advice given here (which is very good advice) I feel sorry for his future wife.
My reaction to all the advice has been "no sh!t". But sadly, I guess there are guys out there that really don't know the stuff you guys are saying.
To everyone else, I appreciate all the kind words and thoughts. Please, by all means, keep the ideas and advice coming. I'm sure this won't be the last time I'll be on here asking
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Originally posted by Bodhizefa View PostNo offense, man, but I'm actually really appreciating all the advice. My models for relationships have been pretty awful, and I asked because I want to get this right. Some of that knowledge I've gleaned over the years in my own relationships, but some of this stuff is unknowable until the time comes. I'm very happy that you seem to know everything about relationships for your own sake, but I will always be a work in progress (as, I'm sure, a lot of others out there are). People (and relationships) are in a constant state of change, and I don't think many people know exactly how to navigate that type of flux without failing along the way.
To everyone else, I appreciate all the kind words and thoughts. Please, by all means, keep the ideas and advice coming. I'm sure this won't be the last time I'll be on here asking
DO NOT LISTEN to librarians.
I think the thing I would be most concerned with is how does one stay engaged once the initial euphoria of being married has subsided. I'm sure it's different for everyone.
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Originally posted by JudeBaldo View PostDO NOT LISTEN to librarians.
I think the thing I would be most concerned with is how does one stay engaged once the initial euphoria of being married has subsided. I'm sure it's different for everyone."I lingered round them, under that benign sky: watched the moths fluttering among the heath and harebells, listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass, and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth."
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Congrats, Bods. We can tell from the photos that you haven't forgotten your roots here. Thanks for checking in and keep us posted!
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