Why get married again?

[Lucky]

Okay, I buy that for the first marriage but when you've already proven to the world that this may not be the person you are going to be with until the end of this journey... what's the point? Or is this journey your time with that person? then the wedding is just you declaring that you will be with this person until you are no longer with them?

If this is the conclusion you drew, I could not recommend getting married.

[JudeBaldo]

Thanks.

I know it sounds sappy, but she's really The ONE.

Sounds so ... binary.

[Gregg]

A lot of good stuff in here.

I would add the very reasons you give for not getting married is the underlying cause for insecurity. Getting married makes those go away. If you really love her, you will risk everything for her. The first one didn't turn out, so now this is The Real One. Get married and live happily ever after.

[baldgriff]

I could write a book on this as I pondered this question many times over the last few years and had many discussions with my wife about the topic. To be clear - my wife and I are very happy with where we are at and with each other - and I wouldn't change where I am at and have not considered it. That said this statement is very loaded, "I feel like I made those declarations publicly once and they ended up being meaningless, so why go through the charade again?"

We did not have a big formal wedding, just some family and friends outside on a public sitting dock along side a river. It was nice and it was 30 degrees outside. However, to your question - It was important to us, our family and many friends to make that public statement. I would say it this way - When I made my public statement the first time - I had no intention or realization that after 20 years the world would change and I would walk away. They meant something at the time I made the statement.

I made the statement again, because I have no intention of leaving or having this relationship cease.

There is a ton more that I could unpack with this, but I have a pile of stuff on the desk and will have to come back to this one.

[Pogues]

Here's the thing Heye...everyone on this site can give their opinion on marriage. We can say why or why not. We can talk about commitment, the vows, what it means to us, and so forth.

Thing is, not a single one of us can saw why you should or should not get married. Marriage is a decision between two people. I know a couple that has been together for 7 years now, and are happy together. He is about your age, she is a few years older. They have their rocky moments, they have their good moments. And marriage isn't even on the table. For now, they are happy with where they are.

If you're happy with where you are, and so is RJEL Girl...then that's most important.

[Kevin Seitzer]

I agree with Pogues. I see a lot of benefits to a relationship from making the commitment to marriage. But I have also seen people get married because they thought they "should" or that it would somehow improve something about their relationship or prove that they really loved each other and it ended up being a bad decision with all the attendant legal consequences down the road.

[swampdragon]

Are we all invited to the wedding?

oh wait - nevermind

Do what you want to do and be happy.

[Lucky]

In my case, I fell in love with a woman who had a two-year old daughter. The husband (damned lawyer) had abandoned them, providing no support. I had known her for ten years, since we were in law school, so I started helping out. It blossomed. Three years later, it was clear that the child needed a father and she needed a husband. I applied for the gig and was accepted. That was 22 years ago.