I Wish My Mother Would Just Die Already

[TranaGreg]

Hey Sheep, I cant add anything, but I do want to say how sorry I am for you and your entire family. A well know Philly sportswriter, Bill Lyon, has been documenting his personal battle with Alzheimer’s over the last couple of years. I believe it has finally gotten to the point where he no longer can write about it, but it has been very gripping reading. Just a horrible, horrible disease for both the victim and the family.

it's a tough read but Still Alice was really well done. I needed a couple of years tho after my dad died before I could pick it up.

[BuckyBuckner]

Sorry to hear this sheep. That must be so awful. This really is one of my biggest fears with my parents (all four of them; thanks divorce). I hope the suffering for you and your family ends soon enough (as morbid as that sounds).

[Lurker765]

I am sorry to hear this. Out of all the ways I have seen people die (suicide, cancer, strokes, etc) Alzheimer's is the worst and the most gut-wrenching and the longest trial for everyone involved. It is just terrible.

[senorsheep]

I've made it very clear to my family that in no way are they to spend anything significant to keep me alive if I'm terminally ill or lost in dementia.

What choice do I have for my mom now? At this point, we're basically forced to keep her alive. So far as I know, there's no legal framework for ending the life of an Alzheimer's patient.

She has no quality of life left. None. It seems bizarre to me that so many resources are devoted to keeping her breathing. I'm not talking about the money we spend for her care - I don't care about that. I would just rather see resources in general devoted to future prevention, rather than wasted on people whose brains have already stopped functioning. It's too late for my mom. Maybe it's not too late for my daughters, or my granddaughter. It feels like we're a long way away from properly and rationally taking this issue on.

[Gregg]

What choice do I have for my mom now? At this point, we're basically forced to keep her alive. So far as I know, there's no legal framework for ending the life of an Alzheimer's patient.

She has no quality of life left. None. It seems bizarre to me that so many resources are devoted to keeping her breathing. I'm not talking about the money we spend for her care - I don't care about that. I would just rather see resources in general devoted to future prevention, rather than wasted on people whose brains have already stopped functioning. It's too late for my mom. Maybe it's not too late for my daughters, or my granddaughter. It feels like we're a long way away from properly and rationally taking this issue on.

I am not trying to insensitive here. When you stated many resources to keeping her breathing, does that mean a machine is doing the breathing for her? When my Mom was in her distress they asked if we wanted to unplug her as well as stop feeding her.

[TranaGreg]

I am not trying to insensitive here. When you stated many resources to keeping her breathing, does that mean a machine is doing the breathing for her? When my Mom was in her distress they asked if we wanted to unplug her as well as stop feeding her.

I think he's referring to the money spent on the building (home), the security (they wander), the staff who help them dress, undress, the staff who feed them by hand (not to mention deliver the food, make the meals, etc), the staff that have to clean them up (late stage patients require diapers), etc.

All of this is for virtually no purpose other than to keep them breathing (there is no quality of life left in the last few years)

[Gregg]

I think he's referring to the money spent on the building (home), the security (they wander), the staff who help them dress, undress, the staff who feed them by hand (not to mention deliver the food, make the meals, etc), the staff that have to clean them up (late stage patients require diapers), etc.

All of this is for virtually no purpose other than to keep them breathing (there is no quality of life left in the last few years)

Ah, I took it literally. Filtered through my own experiences.

[senorsheep]

I am not trying to insensitive here. When you stated many resources to keeping her breathing, does that mean a machine is doing the breathing for her? When my Mom was in her distress they asked if we wanted to unplug her as well as stop feeding her.

Sorry, that was a bad choice of words - I meant "keeping her alive." She can breath on her own. That's about all she can do on her own. She can't do much else but lay in her bed and wait for someone to feed her, walk her, etc. It feels very wrong to me that we have to wait until the point of assisted breathing to do what clearly needs to be done.

[senorsheep]

I think he's referring to the money spent on the building (home), the security (they wander), the staff who help them dress, undress, the staff who feed them by hand (not to mention deliver the food, make the meals, etc), the staff that have to clean them up (late stage patients require diapers), etc.

All of this is for virtually no purpose other than to keep them breathing (there is no quality of life left in the last few years)

Yes. Thank you. I believe that that care should be reserved for people who can still enjoy some quality of life.

[Gregg]

Sorry, that was a bad choice of words - I meant "keeping her alive." She can breath on her own. That's about all she can do on her own. She can't do much else but lay in her bed and wait for someone to feed her, walk her, etc. It feels very wrong to me that we have to wait until the point of assisted breathing to do what clearly needs to be done.

It is terrible for anyone to have to go through.

[TranaGreg]

some random alzheimers stories as I think of them - because this thread needs some balance ...

In the middle stage, we had put my dad in the home after my mom couldn't take care of him any more. This was right around the time that my marriage was breaking up (it actually was over, I just wasn't totally there yet). Anyway, I went to visit him with my mother, and we were having tea. He was still speaking, though in short sentences/broken language. I decided to tell him.

Me: "Dad, so it looks like my marriage is ending. It's not good. What do you think I should do?"
he sat back in his chair, pondering the question; then leaned forward & said: "Give it time."
Me: "wow, that's pretty insightful. Okay."
he sits back with a confused look on his face for a minute or so. Then it changes to a determined look. He leans forward & says: "Or kick her out."
he then sits back with a contented look on his face, and nods.

My mother was horrified. I felt great.

[Lurker765]

Yes. Thank you. I believe that that care should be reserved for people who can still enjoy some quality of life.

I completely agree with you, but in the United States it is a huge controversial deal for people of sane mind and with a terminal illness to be able to end their misery. I don't see ending the life of someone who cannot make their own decisions happening any time soon. Some other countries allow this, but the USA won't anytime soon IMHO

[baldgriff]

I completely agree with you, but in the United States it is a huge controversial deal for people of sane mind and with a terminal illness to be able to end their misery. I don't see ending the life of someone who cannot make their own decisions happening any time soon. Some other countries allow this, but the USA won't anytime soon IMHO

Unfortunately, the cynic in me says that this is ultimately an easy way to make more money from insurance companies and elderly folks.

Sheep - I am sorry to hear that you are having to endure this process.