Weinergate - Side ethics discussion questions

[B-Fly]

Just because.

1) Does anyone think it is unethical to take and exchange sexual pictures if both parties to the exchange are willing participants in the exchange?

2) Does that answer change if one of the parties is an elected official or otherwise owes a public trust?

3) Is it unethical for a married person to flirt, whether in person or electronically? (Weiner has been married since July 2010)

Working definition of flirt:
a : to behave amorously without serious intent
b : to show superficial or casual interest or liking

4) If the answer to #3 is "it depends", what types of things would it depend on?

5) Is it unethical for a married person to seek sexual gratification outside of the marriage via pornography? Does it matter if the pornography is "interactive", e.g., involving communication with the purveyor/model?

[Kevin Seitzer]

1) No, assuming both parties are of age.
2) No. Wisdom of it might change, but not the ethics.
3) Maybe.
4) On the expectations you have set with your spouse.
5) Same as 3 & 4.

[Moonlight J]

1) no - as long as it isn't done on tax-payer provided equipment
2) Yes, because of the stipulation on #1
3) We don't know whether their marriage is open or not
5) Nope

[B-Fly]

3) Maybe.
4) On the expectations you have set with your spouse.
5) Same as 3 & 4.

In your view, how should that expectation setting occur? Advise and consent? Just advise? For example, one spouse has a longtime friend of the opposite sex with whom he/she has always engaged in flirtatious banter, would permission be required to continue that friendship? to continue that type of banter?

On pornography, should a husband get a wife's specific pre-approval of a favored magazine or website to beat off to? Or should he just at some point, preferably before marriage, notify his intended that he occasionally enjoys pornography, and let that be the end of it?

[senorsheep]

I always struggle to articulate my thoughts about politicians and their sexual shenanigans, but here goes. This...

2) No. Wisdom of it might change, but not the ethics.

... is the crux of the problem for me. I get that, as guys, we're all hard-wired to be interested in sex, and most of us probably have specific interests that run afoul of mainstream thinking about what constitutes normal, healthy sexuality. Whatever... I don't really care about that. As far as I'm concerned, anybody can do any freaky thing they want, so long as it's all kept between consenting adults and no innocents are put at risk. But, if you have a professional career where 1) your primary function is to demonstrate wisdom and good judgment, and 2) the general public's perception of you is germaine to your profession and your career, then situations like Weinergate, Clinton-Lewinsky, and Larry Craig do present a problem for me. When I see a guy willing to jeapordize his entire career to get his rocks off, I do question his wisdom, his judgment, his sense of priorities, and his self-control. It's the ill-considered recklessness that concerns me.

[B-Fly]

I kind of just golden rule it. If I'd be upset about my wife doing something then I try not to do that thing myself. Rubbing one out (I guess that's not the right phrasing for a woman, lol) to a porno doesn't bother me. Flirting kind of does.

Yeah, but what upsets men and women often doesn't align in this arena. Arguably, what your wife would be upset about matters more than what you would be upset about, but I don't know if that means a spouse should have a veto.

[senorsheep]

Yeah, but what upsets men and women often doesn't align in this arena. Arguably, what your wife would be upset about matters more than what you would be upset about, but I don't know if that means a spouse should have a veto.

Yeah, I think a mutually understood "don't ask-don't tell" policy is usually best when it comes to porn.

[Kevin Seitzer]

In your view, how should that expectation setting occur? Advise and consent? Just advise? For example, one spouse has a longtime friend of the opposite sex with whom he/she has always engaged in flirtatious banter, would permission be required to continue that friendship? to continue that type of banter?

On pornography, should a husband get a wife's specific pre-approval of a favored magazine or website to beat off to? Or should he just at some point, preferably before marriage, notify his intended that he occasionally enjoys pornography, and let that be the end of it?

Is "I don't know" a sufficient answer to this question?

Hiding the fact that you are having sex with other people from your spouse? Bad idea.
Telling your spouse every time you cast a glance at an attractive person that's not them? Unnecessary and counterproductive.

Where's the best policy for the vast gulf in between those two extremes and what sort of communication should take place about it? Beats me.