Does the mom have a right to know?

[Papa Deuce]

I have a woman I know only via internet.

Her daughter is 15, and had really bad headaches at school one day. She mentioned that to a young guy who told her he had medicine to help her headaches. It turned out to be Ambien. She took 2 pills and ended up in the hospital for 2 days. The daughter weighs about 90 - 95 pounds according to her mom. They literally, at one point, thought she might die, according to the mom.

She missed a week of school. Yesterday she was advised that her daughter should take night school classes to finish up the year. I don't know if that was mandatory or not, but the mom is now sending her daughter to night school starting Monday.

So, the mom wants to know what happened to the boy who gave her daughter the Ambien. The school will not tell her, she said. She does know that he was sent home from school on the day it happened. It seems to me that even if the school won't tell her what happened, it shouldn't be all that hard to find out what happened to the boy. I am sure at least a few kids know.

She's pissed because the school won't say, but does she really have the right to know?

[Lucky]

Probably not. I'm assuming the boy is a juvie, or you wouldn't have called him a boy. He illegally transferred a scheduled prescription drug to another person. That is a fairly serious crime. Most states would get him, at minimum, a juvie prosecution, which is not open to the public.

Ahh, you say, but victims have the right to know. The girl wasn't a victim, except in the eyes of her parents. She was an active participant in the eyes of the law. She is a little bit of a victim if you really and truly believe that she took these pills from someone and didn't ask "what's in these?". In my world, that's an unlikely scenario, but my wife thinks I'm jaded after being a juvenile prosecutor for ten years and then a judge for eight more.

So, it might be very hard to find out what actually happened to the boy. And at least a few kids will think they know. But they probably won't, unless they have a parent or brother or sister who work in the system.

So here is my question. Why is she pissed? Is it because she wants to be sure this kid is punished? Based upon a set of facts that may or may not be complete? If she were my friend, I would be strongly inclined to tell her to spend her time and energy taking care of her daughter and not open that particular can of worms.

(Now, the prosecutor in me asks...really bad headaches? Plural? Why wouldn't she tell the school nurse? Or her mom? Was this the first time she had these headaches? If not, did she not have her own medication? Who was the boy? Did she know him? Why would she take drugs from him? Two pills? Why not one? If she knows the boy, why can't mom call up the parents and say what the hell? How do they know it was ambien? How do they know it was ambien and nothing else? Will two ambien put you in the hospital for two days, even at 95 lbs? How many Mg.? They reformulated it a couple of years ago, so it is much less harsh. Are they sure there was nothing but ambien? I'm guessing massive blood screens? Why night school? Did the ambien impact her psychologically? Mentally? Did the boy do something to her that we don't know about? Was he abusive to her, or could he have give her other types of substances?)

Deuce, the only point of these questions is that we tend to take things at face value. If a client came into me with the facts that you laid out, my immediate conclusion would be that there is much more to the story that meets the eye. The decision is whether your friend wants to turn over that rock and see what is there, or just love her kid and get on with life. I'd hug my kid.

[Papa Deuce]

Well, Lucky, I mostly agree with you, on all counts.

That said, my own daughter gets migraines, and dealing with the school regarding medicines is not as easy as you think. The medicine my daughter was prescribed doesn't help. But what DOES HELP is a mix of lavender and peppermint oil. She takes a few drops and rubs it onto her temples and the back of her neck. The school does not allow that. I tell her to just go in the girl's room and put it on.

I don't know all of the facts about the girl and mom... I only know what the mom told me. But I do know that just today she was telling me that she was angry because she doesn't know what happened with the boy. She did say that she heard the boy was taken from school by police, but she doesn't know it as fact.

[Gregg]

Probably not. I'm assuming the boy is a juvie, or you wouldn't have called him a boy. He illegally transferred a scheduled prescription drug to another person. That is a fairly serious crime. Most states would get him, at minimum, a juvie prosecution, which is not open to the public.

Ahh, you say, but victims have the right to know. The girl wasn't a victim, except in the eyes of her parents. She was an active participant in the eyes of the law. She is a little bit of a victim if you really and truly believe that she took these pills from someone and didn't ask "what's in these?". In my world, that's an unlikely scenario, but my wife thinks I'm jaded after being a juvenile prosecutor for ten years and then a judge for eight more.

So, it might be very hard to find out what actually happened to the boy. And at least a few kids will think they know. But they probably won't, unless they have a parent or brother or sister who work in the system.

So here is my question. Why is she pissed? Is it because she wants to be sure this kid is punished? Based upon a set of facts that may or may not be complete? If she were my friend, I would be strongly inclined to tell her to spend her time and energy taking care of her daughter and not open that particular can of worms.

(Now, the prosecutor in me asks...really bad headaches? Plural? Why wouldn't she tell the school nurse? Or her mom? Was this the first time she had these headaches? If not, did she not have her own medication? Who was the boy? Did she know him? Why would she take drugs from him? Two pills? Why not one? If she knows the boy, why can't mom call up the parents and say what the hell? How do they know it was ambien? How do they know it was ambien and nothing else? Will two ambien put you in the hospital for two days, even at 95 lbs? How many Mg.? They reformulated it a couple of years ago, so it is much less harsh. Are they sure there was nothing but ambien? I'm guessing massive blood screens? Why night school? Did the ambien impact her psychologically? Mentally? Did the boy do something to her that we don't know about? Was he abusive to her, or could he have give her other types of substances?)

Deuce, the only point of these questions is that we tend to take things at face value. If a client came into me with the facts that you laid out, my immediate conclusion would be that there is much more to the story that meets the eye. The decision is whether your friend wants to turn over that rock and see what is there, or just love her kid and get on with life. I'd hug my kid.

This was a great post and I enjoyed reading it. So much good stuff in this.

[Gregg]

Well, Lucky, I mostly agree with you, on all counts.

That said, my own daughter gets migraines, and dealing with the school regarding medicines is not as easy as you think. The medicine my daughter was prescribed doesn't help. But what DOES HELP is a mix of lavender and peppermint oil. She takes a few drops and rubs it onto her temples and the back of her neck. The school does not allow that. I tell her to just go in the girl's room and put it on.

I don't know all of the facts about the girl and mom... I only know what the mom told me. But I do know that just today she was telling me that she was angry because she doesn't know what happened with the boy. She did say that she heard the boy was taken from school by police, but she doesn't know it as fact.

Papa D, Can you tell me more about this lavender and peppermint oil? My daughter is never without a headache. It is only a matter of intensity. A good day is 2 or 3 on 1-10 scale, a bad day in in a fetal position with lights off. We have tried everything, seen everybody, to no avail.

I have no idea why peppermint and lavender would help, but I would like to have her try it. Can you tell me the brand names of each of the products and what % of each she mixes?

Thank you.

[TranaGreg]

...Ahh, you say, but victims have the right to know. The girl wasn't a victim, except in the eyes of her parents. She was an active participant in the eyes of the law.

Lucky has quickly focused to the crux of the issue IMO. Was the boy taking advantage of her predatorily (is that a word? if not it should be ...) or was she aware of what she was doing? if it's the former there would have to be some solid evidence to that effect; if not, then no, the mother doesn't have the right to know.

or, looking at it from the other perspective - if you are the boy's parents, would you feel any right to privacy re: this issue?

[Papa Deuce]

Papa D, Can you tell me more about this lavender and peppermint oil? My daughter is never without a headache. It is only a matter of intensity. A good day is 2 or 3 on 1-10 scale, a bad day in in a fetal position with lights off. We have tried everything, seen everybody, to no avail.

I have no idea why peppermint and lavender would help, but I would like to have her try it. Can you tell me the brand names of each of the products and what % of each she mixes?

Thank you.

This is the brand I use for both oils - well, she uses....

http://www.amazon.com/Lavender-Essential-Effective-Fragrance-Aromatherapy/dp/B00MTZ4IMU/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1426176336&sr=8-3&keywords=lavender+essential+oil

She mixes them 50 / 50, though most people recommend cutting them with canola oil. She uses about 5 drops in total. This doesn't always work, but it usually lessens the pain. Sometimes, though, she does get full relief within 20 minutes.

EDIT: I found this as a solution quite by accident. I had heard that peppermint oil drives away mice. We have some mice in my garage ( or did, I think they are gone now ).... so I went to amazon and read the reviews on peppermint oil, and so many people said it helped with headaches.... and then others said it worked even better with a mix of lavender oil.

[Gregg]

This is the brand I use for both oils - well, she uses....

http://www.amazon.com/Lavender-Essential-Effective-Fragrance-Aromatherapy/dp/B00MTZ4IMU/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1426176336&sr=8-3&keywords=lavender+essential+oil

She mixes them 50 / 50, though most people recommend cutting them with canola oil. She uses about 5 drops in total. This doesn't always work, but it usually lessens the pain. Sometimes, though, she does get full relief within 20 minutes.

EDIT: I found this as a solution quite by accident. I had heard that peppermint oil drives away mice. We have some mice in my garage ( or did, I think they are gone now ).... so I went to amazon and read the reviews on peppermint oil, and so many people said it helped with headaches.... and then others said it worked even better with a mix of lavender oil.

Thank you. We have nothing to lose and everything to gain. It so happens that she likes the smell of both oils.

[Lucky]

Deuce, dealing with schools and medicines may not be as hard as your daughter's school seems to be making it. Migraines are considered a Section 504 disability under federal law. Schools must accomodate students who suffer from migraines. It is not optional. Schools have been hammered so many times over this that most of them don't even put up an argument.

I've been a migraine sufferer for almost 30 years. My son has suffered from migraines throughout high school. I've been through the process.

I don't understand about this girl, though. If she has been diagnosed medically, then she should have a "go to" med. She shouldn't need to be asking people for a headache remedy. (Often an anti-inflammatory and a little caffeine will help.)

A surprising number of teenage girls have hormonally related migraines. Some of them suffer a migraine every month until menopause. I hope that isn't her situation.

You might mention that bit about Section 504 to your friend. They can't make her go to night school. They have to work around her, not vice versa.

Oh, and the next time it comes up in conversation how much a simple but uninsured trip to the emergency room costs these days...the answer I found was $9,000.

[Papa Deuce]

TY Lucky.... I shall pass it on... plus talk to the school nurse.

[johnnya24]

Lucky bringin' the big guns ... x100

[Gregg]

Lucky bringin' the big guns ... x100

If only he had a blog that we could all read.

[chancellor]

If only he had a blog that we could all read.

Is this snark which I see before me
The words toward my screen
Come, let me mock thee...

[Lucky]

Is this snark which I see before me
The words toward my screen
Come, let me mock thee...

You guys are killing me.

[Gregg]

Is this snark which I see before me
The words toward my screen
Come, let me mock thee...

You are not in the park
if you think that was snark
I feel fantastic with my remark sarcastic
To make a point to our friend lucky
and not to make him feel so yucky