Corona Virus

[GwynnInTheHall]

My little sister decided to drink herself to death. She'd been a dropout in HS and pretty much started drinking as she became her mother's (My Stepmother) drinking buddy as soon as they'd let her in a bar (which was 14-thanks Texas) As her mom got sick she took care of her, and other elder relatives on their side, one by one they died--she'd had one hubby who turned out to be a bigamist, then the next was a saint--BUT he wouldn't let her kill herself by drinking so she left him and found a guy who not only let her do it, but followed her shortly after in the same manner. My family and I tried to talk to her, reason with her and it only made her withdraw. So, I took Fresno's POV and said-- you do what you want--it's your life--no kids, no husband--Just siblings. And WE can deal with it. I got to see her one more time because we set up a reunion right next to her in sactown.

It's hard to let someone go when they want to go--but it's their choice and forcing them to live a life of pain or sadness is just selfish on our part.

You don't want condolences because? You say your private, but you bared all...

I feel ya and I've been in your position when I lost my Gma just as I had my first kid and was that guy.

You'll pull through.

You got cats.

Now get the jab, hell if it kills you, at least you'll have someone to talk to in wherever we go after we die.

Peace.

[nullnor]

so thinking about my options. one thing I never really considered. actually I did when the RV guy really pissed me off was pitching a tent in a state forest and getting a bicycle and storage space a few miles away where I would also park my car. I came close to doing it. wouldn't be the first time I lived in the woods. it's a good thing I didn't do that.

yeah you know I love animals, but ppl totally underestimate or understand this capacity I have. yet getting a job and rejoining society is easier. so if the old guy died here I could pitch a tent in the woods on his seven acres and take the cats with me. I could even do it in the winter. it's a little swampy though and someone would probably eventually notice me. yet it is fly over country. the locals would leave me alone. or the cops would come after me with flashlights. the real problem would be the coyotes. and the cats wouldn't like this plan.

thus the real problem from disconnecting from society. and here I was, after my job was shipped overseas. went to school to fix people's heating and refrigeration. and now I don't want to help after feeling unappreciated.

see this is the whole reason for social security and Medicare. for example, what do I get out of playing by the rules? this is why you can never abolish such programs. ppl because can just this without the government. sure it would be a hard life, but it's satisfying sticking it to the man. but it wouldn't be safe for the cats.

it's like the Matrix, when the machines told Neo, there are levels of survival we are willing to accept.

[nullnor]

My little sister decided to drink herself to death. She'd been a dropout in HS and pretty much started drinking as she became her mother's (My Stepmother) drinking buddy as soon as they'd let her in a bar (which was 14-thanks Texas) As her mom got sick she took care of her, and other elder relatives on their side, one by one they died--she'd had one hubby who turned out to be a bigamist, then the next was a saint--BUT he wouldn't let her kill herself by drinking so she left him and found a guy who not only let her do it, but followed her shortly after in the same manner. My family and I tried to talk to her, reason with her and it only made her withdraw. So, I took Fresno's POV and said-- you do what you want--it's your life--no kids, no husband--Just siblings. And WE can deal with it. I got to see her one more time because we set up a reunion right next to her in sactown.

It's hard to let someone go when they want to go--but it's their choice and forcing them to live a life of pain or sadness is just selfish on our part.

You don't want condolences because? You say your private, but you bared all...

I feel ya and I've been in your position when I lost my Gma just as I had my first kid and was that guy.

You'll pull through.

You got cats.

Now get the jab, hell if it kills you, at least you'll have someone to talk to in wherever we go after we die.

Peace.

it's hard. I think about the things I could've done better. my moms house was 50 miles away. yet maybe I could've gone there every day and taken a shower. I could've made a garden like I always wanted to do. I could've set up a target and practiced archery. to give me something to do. I had all the time in the world. but I was also afraid of maybe infecting her with covid. and I used that as an excuse.

how do ppl get by with these things in life. tonight the old guy here was talking about a rabbit he loved growing up that died from a hairball. and all I could think about was the time I wacked a rabbit in the head after I thought it was suffering after a cat caught it. it's difficult becoming a man, and hardening yourself. and living with the choices you make.

[nullnor]

I always wanted the jacket Vin Diesel wore in the movie Triple X

[nullnor]

I even dated a women that owned a famous motorcycle apparel shop at a local mall for a few months hoping she would make me one. I thought she was Native American. and when I realized she was Chinese, not that it really mattered. she was 10 years older than me. she said she wouldn't sleep with me because I lived in a tent.

I spent a lot of money on her. but I walked away with a lot of cool shirts. she used to hang the jacket I bought up in the store. but it just wasn't Vin Diesel worthy. I wasn't really using her. except for trying to learn how to date again like she was. after I moved out of the campground she tried to stay in touch with me but it wasn't going to work. and that's the problem with dating. eventually love always withers on the vine. she called me during thanksgiving and thru Christmas I think after I had already relocated. she never understood what my deal was. she initially thought I was using her, but really I was hoping she would use me. and after about 1000 bucks I left empty handed, without a Vin Diesel jacket.

[nullnor]

I hear the old guy calling me right now because he's having difficulty working the remote on the satellite TV I bought him. I suppose I should tell him my mother died. maybe i'll tell him if he dies, I can pick out a spot in the woods for my tent.

one thing I learned is, and it took a few months to realize it, you have to set up a tarp tied to trees over your tent to break any falling branches. they don't really teach you this. it's something you have to learn for yourself.

[nullnor]

I hope you guys are still around someday in a few years and I can post a video of skinning my first deer. and I finally made it into the wilderness. but by that time you'll be eating, robbing and skinning each other. heh

[nullnor]

it actually occurred to me a long time ago that when ppl keep telling me to get the jab, it's like the movie They Live and Roddy Piper keeps telling Keith David to put the glasses on! the greatest fight scene in history.

thanks for talking to me tonight GITH. peace brother

[nullnor]

I still won't put the glasses on, but I am playing nice so I don't get kneed in the balls.

[nullnor]

you know how I know Ivermectin works, is because every time they show pictures in the news of ppl in the hospital, I never see horses in the ICU with covid. heh

[nullnor]

to be honest, it takes a while to teach cats, little Star Wars aliens to understand you. they really don't understand a lot of words. it's more about the tone and context. because it takes a fucking long time to teach them words. additionally, you'll notice they speak in tones. and when they really speak back to you, it's freaky. because when a cat has really something to say, it means there is something wrong. otherwise it's mostly the same words in the same context in the same tone in a situation of reassurance. this is the way to communicate with confidence.

I have grand illusions of teaching them to ring a bell, hooking up a doorbell to my RV. yet I know after I teach them, they will ring it all the time and bug the shit out of me. all you have to do is teach one, and they will teach each other how to do it. because they actually have culture. for example, when I gave my cat a kiss for the first time I made a smooch sound. and then she did later. they adopt our culture. or at least they try to.

[Sour Masher]

to be honest, it takes a while to teach cats, little Star Wars aliens to understand you. they really don't understand a lot of words. it's more about the tone and context. because it takes a fucking long time to teach them words. additionally, you'll notice they speak in tones. and when they really speak back to you, it's freaky. because when a cat has really something to say, it means there is something wrong. otherwise it's mostly the same words in the same context in the same tone in a situation of reassurance. this is the way to communicate with confidence.

I have grand illusions of teaching them to ring a bell, hooking up a doorbell to my RV. yet I know after I teach them, they will ring it all the time and bug the shit out of me. all you have to do is teach one, and they will teach each other how to do it. because they actually have culture. for example, when I gave my cat a kiss for the first time I made a smooch sound. and then she did later. they adopt our culture. or at least they try to.

At your request, I will refrain from giving my condolences for your mom, and instead ask why you don't spread the spread the love with these posts to other threads. Some might be missing these musings, because they are all posted in the COVID threads, even though some aren't really about the rona. In fact, some don't even come into the hot topic forums anymore and a lot of these aren't hot topics, so they are missing their potential audience. I think a thread devoted to cats and pets and animals would be interesting and easier to find and respond to for those that are interested in the topic. I'm a dog guy myself, so maybe you think that should be a different thread, but I think dog people and cat people can all get along in a pets thread.

[nullnor]

At your request, I will refrain from giving my condolences for your mom, and instead ask why you don't spread the spread the love with these posts to other threads. Some might be missing these musings, because they are all posted in the COVID threads, even though some aren't really about the rona. In fact, some don't even come into the hot topic forums anymore and a lot of these aren't hot topics, so they are missing their potential audience. I think a thread devoted to cats and pets and animals would be interesting and easier to find and respond to for those that are interested in the topic. I'm a dog guy myself, so maybe you think that should be a different thread, but I think dog people and cat people can all get along in a pets thread.

I was actually surprised by getting away with so many OT posts, heh. but I don't know. I was never really good at technical writing. like you are supposed to know who your audience is. it's like asking a homeless guy on a train that talks to himself all the time.

oh, I can put it in topic by saying I always wanted to learn how to write a research paper. and it would probably take little effort to learn how. in the only college English course I took in community college, I wrote the worst research paper. one book by Al Gore was my entire reference. at the time I was going out with the smartest PHD woman in the world. and she accidentally deleted it on an old school word processor. so she wrote it again for me from my notes. but they never really taught me how to write one. the teacher asked me wtf grade I think I should get. so I said a C. I had actually asked the teacher out for a date. I don't know. I guess I just wanted to be around smart ppl. but if there is one thing this pandemic taught me, it's what a research paper is. my favorite paper is on humpback whales rescuing seals and other whales from orca. humpback whales are the first responders of the sea.

I guess the answer to your question is because I am insecure. I don't think ppl want to hear my streams of consciousness. also, I don't want to take over other threads. like one of the reasons I never learned to type or capitalize of use correct grammar was because I was afraid it would inhibit me. this is how I am in real life. not to be an idiot but I just utter the first think that surfaces in my head sometimes. I don't have time to find the right place to put my heart.

the funeral was today. it was quick. 10 years ago when my stepdad died it was a big production. I fucking cried in front of everyone, I don't know why. but I made a scene then. I was much better today. but it was a son losing his mother. ppl innately understood that. if I was a quasispecies virus-

A quasispecies is a well-defined distribution of mutants that is generated by a mutation-selection process. Selection does not act on a single mutant but on the quasispecies as a whole. Experimental systems have been designed to study quasispecies evolution under laboratory conditions.

- I reverted back to my boy or 'original' form. I was surprised by how many ppl showed up. on a mental note, it's not a good idea, when you are young, to innocently play doctor with your attractive female cousins because this will cause them to be embarrassed and not to show up until 40 years later when your mother dies.

but I have a new theory for the reason we die. it forces families to get together. for our species to come together even in years of absence. it's why we originally started burying our dead. even though we don't want to. it's a part of our evolution. and if we could only explains things that happen in our lives through the rigors of science. wouldn't that be grand. if you could say this happens because of this or that. wouldn't life be simple. yet, that would only be a small part. like a quasispecies. and nature not giving up her secrets.

if you think about it, your body is made up of cells working together. you be you. we are made of a billion trillion parts. that took billions of years. whatever is out there, it's obviously playing the long game. but if you think about it, every system in nature scales upwards. atoms are solar systems. one held electromagnetically the other by gravity. thus, why wouldn't consciousness also scale up. like everything else. if there is one thing I learned is no-one really knows anything. as Hamlet said, we are all foolish knaves. we put our heads down and prod along hoping for answers. and that is what the universe is. it's a humbling experience. my GF studied ancient religious art. she wasn't religious. but she appreciated our small place in the stars.

I don't know, life is not for the faint of heart.

[nullnor]

oh god im gonna have to write a letter to the doctor side of my in laws. they are all doctors. the closest son to my stepdad said how my mother helped his dad. maybe when he died of cancer. and in my daze I simply responded because they loved each other.

but that is not it. he's a good person. and at first I didn't understand why his dad married my mother. and it occurred to me. they came from the same generation. they had the same perspective. for example, he wasn't a computer person, and why would he. after 80 years of being a doctor, if the information wasn't already in your head or you could write it yourself, you certainly didn't need a computer to inform you when you had 100's of friends or JAMA or correspondence delivered to you.

where life is all about perspective. there is never just one perspective where space and time itself ensures that every living thing literally sees things in their own special way.

oh well I don't think I can pull that off. the guy is one of those doctors without borders dudes. what could I know that he didn't. he's good ppl. but do ppl even really care anymore what other ppl think. I had my chance to tell him and I missed it.

[nullnor]

apparently I have adoption papers my mothers safe. I just wanted to make sure my original birth certificate was there. but there was another envelope. there is a serial number. my case file I guess. I was only 6 months old. I always knew two very old women took care of me during those 6 months, and it had their names! you know.. the first 6 months of your life are like the most crucial period of your life. it's a make or break period and has a major effect on you. how much attention you get. how many smiling faces you stare at and learn to develop your emotional IQ. how much you cry and get help. this will affect you for the rest of your life. if you get too much attention you end up like a crybaby. you get no attention you end up like babies in Iraqi orphanages during the war and learn to conserve your energy. it has a major impact on you. oh man, I've had 3 fathers and 4 mothers.

I prefer wolf society. give me one beta or surrogate alpha male like wolf21m as a father to raise me. they are the best. they incorporate all the best qualities of both you alpha parents.

I am a stray animal. my parents picked me up at the pound. and in 1968 they had a list of requirements. it was a long list. I didn't have the patience to read the document. one of the requirements was that if they ever had the chance they would send me to catholic school. which is kind of odd but it was 1968 and a catholic adoption agency.

there is a scary scenario in life. not knowing anyone related to you, or being too lazy or afraid to find out... and life goes on. you put your head down, you prod along. never knowing who your wolf pack is. because it doesn't matter. because we are wolves. and we survive.