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1. Cleveland (1-15) - Malik Hooker, FS - Autobiography titled: "I, M.Hooker"
2. San Francisco (2-14) - Max Rich, OL - Has the right idea about professional football
3. Chicago (3-13) - YoungHoe Koo, K - Father: Woo YoungHoe.
4. Jacksonville (3-13) - Dee Liner, DT - Brother: Oh Liner. Sister: Ai Liner
5. Tennessee - from Los Angeles Rams (4-12) - Worth Gregory, P - Has own monetary system based on "gregories"
6. New York Jets (5-11) - DJ Killings, DB - Musician serial murder case solved
7. Los Angeles Chargers (5-11) - Money Hunter, SS - In it for his love for the game
8. Carolina (6-10) - Corn Elder, CB - Keeper of ancient secret about how corn flakes
9. Cincinnati (6-9-1) - Charmeachealle Moore, LB - Priest inebriated trying to say "Jermichael" at baptism
10. Buffalo (7-9) - King Frazier, RB - TV sitcom royalty
11. New Orleans (7-9) - Pharaoh Brown, TE - Ancient African-Egyptian royalty
12. Cleveland - from Philadelphia (7-9) - Gimel President, DT - Runs well for President
13. Arizona (7-8-1) - Noble Nwachukwu, DT - His motor goes "Nwachukwu-Nwachukwu-Nwachukwu..."
14. Philadelphia - from Minnesota (8-8 ) - Bug Howard, WR - Has a dog: Pug Howard
15. Indianapolis (8-8 ) - Otha Peters, LB - Not THAT Peters
16. Baltimore (8-8 ) - Randall Goforth, DB - Math thesis titled "Goforth and multiply"
17. Washington (8-7-1) -Ironhead Gallon, LB - If concussions end career, irony at peak
18. Tennessee (9-7) - Spearman Robinson, WR - Great against cavalry
19. Tampa Bay (9-7) - Weston Steelhammer, DB - Has to switch to FB at pros due to perfect name
20. Denver (9-7) - Jon Heck, OT - Almost, but not quite, helluva player
21. Detroit* (9-7) - Storm Norton, OL - 2nd career as minor DC Comics hero
22. Miami* (10-6) - Alex Boy, P - Storm Norton's comedic sidekick
23. New York Giants* (11-5) - William Likely, DB - Free for limited time, then Bill Likely
24. Oakland* (12-4) - Speedy Noil, WR - Thanks old gods and new he's actually fast
25. Houston* (9-7) - Jeremiah Ledbetter, DL - Used to lead better, at least honest about it
26. Seattle* (10-5-1) - Jake Butt, TE - A seemingly great pick, Butt...
27. Kansas City* (12-4) - K.D. Cannon, WR - Kneel Down Cannon, automatic camp fave
28. Dallas* (13-3) - Cooper Kupp, WR - Has his nads well protected
29. Green Bay* (10-6) - Damien Mama, OG - TT loves him. Don't tell Mama
30. Pittsburgh* (11-5) - Chunky Clements, NT - NFL career just marketing for canned soup line
31. Atlanta* (11-5) - Woody Baron, DT - Bloody Baron's naughty brother cut from both final draft of Harry Potter and Witcher 3.
32. New Orleans - from New England* (14-2) - C.J. Beat/hard, QB - Just asking for it
J
1. Cleveland (1-15) - Malik Hooker, FS - Autobiography titled: "I, M.Hooker"
2. San Francisco (2-14) - Max Rich, OL - Has the right idea about professional football
3. Chicago (3-13) - YoungHoe Koo, K - Father: Woo YoungHoe.
4. Jacksonville (3-13) - Dee Liner, DT - Brother: Oh Liner. Sister: Ai Liner
5. Tennessee - from Los Angeles Rams (4-12) - Worth Gregory, P - Has own monetary system based on "gregories"
6. New York Jets (5-11) - DJ Killings, DB - Musician serial murder case solved
7. Los Angeles Chargers (5-11) - Money Hunter, SS - In it for his love for the game
8. Carolina (6-10) - Corn Elder, CB - Keeper of ancient secret about how corn flakes
9. Cincinnati (6-9-1) - Charmeachealle Moore, LB - Priest inebriated trying to say "Jermichael" at baptism
10. Buffalo (7-9) - King Frazier, RB - TV sitcom royalty
11. New Orleans (7-9) - Pharaoh Brown, TE - Ancient African-Egyptian royalty
12. Cleveland - from Philadelphia (7-9) - Gimel President, DT - Runs well for President
13. Arizona (7-8-1) - Noble Nwachukwu, DT - His motor goes "Nwachukwu-Nwachukwu-Nwachukwu..."
14. Philadelphia - from Minnesota (8-8 ) - Bug Howard, WR - Has a dog: Pug Howard
15. Indianapolis (8-8 ) - Otha Peters, LB - Not THAT Peters
16. Baltimore (8-8 ) - Randall Goforth, DB - Math thesis titled "Goforth and multiply"
17. Washington (8-7-1) -Ironhead Gallon, LB - If concussions end career, irony at peak
18. Tennessee (9-7) - Spearman Robinson, WR - Great against cavalry
19. Tampa Bay (9-7) - Weston Steelhammer, DB - Has to switch to FB at pros due to perfect name
20. Denver (9-7) - Jon Heck, OT - Almost, but not quite, helluva player
21. Detroit* (9-7) - Storm Norton, OL - 2nd career as minor DC Comics hero
22. Miami* (10-6) - Alex Boy, P - Storm Norton's comedic sidekick
23. New York Giants* (11-5) - William Likely, DB - Free for limited time, then Bill Likely
24. Oakland* (12-4) - Speedy Noil, WR - Thanks old gods and new he's actually fast
25. Houston* (9-7) - Jeremiah Ledbetter, DL - Used to lead better, at least honest about it
26. Seattle* (10-5-1) - Jake Butt, TE - A seemingly great pick, Butt...
27. Kansas City* (12-4) - K.D. Cannon, WR - Kneel Down Cannon, automatic camp fave
28. Dallas* (13-3) - Cooper Kupp, WR - Has his nads well protected
29. Green Bay* (10-6) - Damien Mama, OG - TT loves him. Don't tell Mama
30. Pittsburgh* (11-5) - Chunky Clements, NT - NFL career just marketing for canned soup line
31. Atlanta* (11-5) - Woody Baron, DT - Bloody Baron's naughty brother cut from both final draft of Harry Potter and Witcher 3.
32. New Orleans - from New England* (14-2) - C.J. Beat/hard, QB - Just asking for it
J
- Wonderboy