Do you have people in your life that have wronged you.....

[Kevin Seitzer]

To take the discussion a little further have any of you really wanted/needed someone to forgive you?

I have. Knowing that I did not deserve or expect to be forgiven did not mean that I did not want that grace.

In my repentant state, also means that I did not want to commit the act again.

I think knowing what it feels like to want/need to be forgiven does make me want to extend the same to others.

I personally do not find this a helpful approach at all. In fact, I find it, I don't know...twisted? immoral? repulsive? Perhaps I am badly misunderstanding you, but when someone has deeply abused or traumatized me, I do not find it helpful to try to be in their shoes and understand how hard it was for them. I simply cannot imagine abusing someone's trust that way.

Yes, I have certainly wronged people and asked for their forgiveness, but I cannot imagine abusing some people in the ways that I have experienced or that other people have mentioned in this thread. I hope those abusers in those situations find repentance and forgiveness, too, but not because I can remotely picture myself doing what they did.

I think there are some situations where understanding the other person's point of view can be helpful, but there are also situations where the abuse was traumatic and I think that approach can actually be very harmful and lead to situations of further abuse and trauma. I thought this thread was mainly discussing the latter kind of situation.

[Gregg]

I personally do not find this a helpful approach at all. In fact, I find it, I don't know...twisted? immoral? repulsive? Perhaps I am badly misunderstanding you, but when someone has deeply abused or traumatized me, I do not find it helpful to try to be in their shoes and understand how hard it was for them. I simply cannot imagine abusing someone's trust that way.

Yes, I have certainly wronged people and asked for their forgiveness, but I cannot imagine abusing some people in the ways that I have experienced or that other people have mentioned in this thread. I hope those abusers in those situations find repentance and forgiveness, too, but not because I can remotely picture myself doing what they did.

I think there are some situations where understanding the other person's point of view can be helpful, but there are also situations where the abuse was traumatic and I think that approach can actually be very harmful and lead to situations of further abuse and trauma. I thought this thread was mainly discussing the latter kind of situation.

I do think there is a disconnect here.

I do not put myself in the person's shoes from the perspective of the offense itself. I do know what it is like to be truly repentant about my own action and want to be forgiven. If someone has wronged me and has asked for forgiveness with true repentance that desire we would have in common not the offense.

Offenses are never ok. Forgiveness is not saying that it is. Setting boundaries is not saying what you did is ok.

I also believe that repentance is an action. It can start with a feeling but it has to end in action to put a stop to the offense from repeating.

[heyelander]

I saw a meme on reddit that went something like this:

There's a button, whereby if you push it, you receive a million dollars, but the person you hate most in the world receives 2 million dollars. Do you push it?

Top response is: Of course, who wouldn't want 3 million dollars?

That would be me too.

I've got several people I think I owe apologies to, but none of them know it.

[Kevin Seitzer]

I saw a meme on reddit that went something like this:

There's a button, whereby if you push it, you receive a million dollars, but the person you hate most in the world receives 2 million dollars. Do you push it?

Top response is: Of course, who wouldn't want 3 million dollars?

That would be me too.

I've got several people I think I owe apologies to, but none of them know it.

Now that's funny. (And, I recognize, at least partly serious.)

[Steve 2.0]

When my mother attempted suicide she drove to my house, shot herself with a .22 rifle through her coat, came to my door and rang the doorbell. We had not talked in months when she did this. She could not breathe well and I thought she was having a heart attack. I rushed her to the hospital. This happened around 6:00 a.m. on a school day. Part of my outrage with her is that if she had been successful my young daughters would likely have found her as they left for school. I realize she's mentally unwell, but that doesn't alter my absolute hatred for her.

[Teenwolf]

When my mother attempted suicide she drove to my house, shot herself with a .22 rifle through her coat, came to my door and rang the doorbell. We had not talked in months when she did this. She could not breathe well and I thought she was having a heart attack. I rushed her to the hospital. This happened around 6:00 a.m. on a school day. Part of my outrage with her is that if she had been successful my young daughters would likely have found her as they left for school. I realize she's mentally unwell, but that doesn't alter my absolute hatred for her.

I'm so sorry you had to go through such a traumatizing event. The maliciousness of doing that to your own child is unfathomable. I understand your hatred, but I hope that you're in a better place and not thinking of this tragedy too often.

[DMT]

When my mother attempted suicide she drove to my house, shot herself with a .22 rifle through her coat, came to my door and rang the doorbell. We had not talked in months when she did this. She could not breathe well and I thought she was having a heart attack. I rushed her to the hospital. This happened around 6:00 a.m. on a school day. Part of my outrage with her is that if she had been successful my young daughters would likely have found her as they left for school. I realize she's mentally unwell, but that doesn't alter my absolute hatred for her.

That is horrific and I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive her.