Originally posted by Steve 2.0
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Around this time I had a random experience that completely changed my attitude to depression, mental illness and suicide. I was taking some pretty strong painkillers, and something happened one evening. It was as if someone flicked a switch in my brain and turned a serious of extreme emotions up to 11. Fear, anxiety ... it was like I was experiencing raw unfiltered terror - at nothing - there was no object, no point. But I was also 100% aware that this was all fake. I knew it was a complete illusion. But I couldn't control the feelings, and I all wanted was this out of my head ... I was clawing at my head.
Here's the thing ... this seemed to go on forever, but I think it lasted only a few seconds. Reflecting on this over they years, two positions kept coming back to me -
1. I could not tolerate that in my life, no way, that was unbearable, and
2. are there people who suffer emotional breaks like that as a matter of course? I mean, is that "life" for some folk? How do you live with something like that?
I know it was only a momentary experience ... but my views changed from then. There was no compensation in life that could have made that experience bearable for more than a few seconds. Obviously I can't speak to your case, and the personal trauma and feelings of abandonment, but from that moment I stopped judging people who killed themselves. How can I really know what they were going through?
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