so we start up our own 800 business called 1 800 BadAdvice
1) When going on a date the first time, take your date to a drive-in double feature of Basic Instinct and Sleeping with the Enemy. When they get scared, tell them it's ok because your best friend recommended them after watching them during cell block D Friday night movies.
2) Instruct people that every new car made nowadays is self-drivable. To activate the automatic mode you just have to close your eye's and take your hands off the wheel for 90 secs.
3) The best deals when eating at restaurants is right after a salmonella outbreak. And then pat your best buddy on the back and tell him only wimps are afraid salmonella.
4) One adult aspirin is equal to 10 baby aspirins? And then after they take 30 baby aspirins and get wicked heartburn, tell them the next best step is to take 5 no-doze for caffeine. Afterwards tell them to hold up their hands and if they shake a lot they have to do it again for it to work.
5) If the caller doesn't feel well and has the flu, tell them they have a salt imbalance and should drink a half bottle of soy sauce.
6) When moving into a new neighborhood, invite the neighbors over and while they are in the living room go into the bathroom and scream OMG!!!MOTHER what have you done! And then go back with ketchup on your hands and tell them it's from the sandwiches you're making. And say you can't go outside to mow your lawn all year because you have to watch Mother.
7) If your car ever breaks down and you have to walk to the next town for gas and the police come up to you asking questions, start off by telling them your name is John Rambo.
8) If you get laid off at work but they give you a big severance package, tell the HR representative that it's ok because the extra money will help get your endangered animal smuggling business off the ground.
1) When going on a date the first time, take your date to a drive-in double feature of Basic Instinct and Sleeping with the Enemy. When they get scared, tell them it's ok because your best friend recommended them after watching them during cell block D Friday night movies.
2) Instruct people that every new car made nowadays is self-drivable. To activate the automatic mode you just have to close your eye's and take your hands off the wheel for 90 secs.
3) The best deals when eating at restaurants is right after a salmonella outbreak. And then pat your best buddy on the back and tell him only wimps are afraid salmonella.
4) One adult aspirin is equal to 10 baby aspirins? And then after they take 30 baby aspirins and get wicked heartburn, tell them the next best step is to take 5 no-doze for caffeine. Afterwards tell them to hold up their hands and if they shake a lot they have to do it again for it to work.
5) If the caller doesn't feel well and has the flu, tell them they have a salt imbalance and should drink a half bottle of soy sauce.
6) When moving into a new neighborhood, invite the neighbors over and while they are in the living room go into the bathroom and scream OMG!!!MOTHER what have you done! And then go back with ketchup on your hands and tell them it's from the sandwiches you're making. And say you can't go outside to mow your lawn all year because you have to watch Mother.
7) If your car ever breaks down and you have to walk to the next town for gas and the police come up to you asking questions, start off by telling them your name is John Rambo.
8) If you get laid off at work but they give you a big severance package, tell the HR representative that it's ok because the extra money will help get your endangered animal smuggling business off the ground.