Battle of the Coolest Fictional character of all-time (any medium, any genre)

[Midnight Otter]

First to five votes wins. As you vote, be sure to update the score. Whoever casts the winning vote decides on the next opponent the winner will face. The person who nominates does not vote that round.

Define "cool" however you like.

Round 1:

Superman
vs.
Sam Spade from The Maltese Falcon

[heyelander]

superman is cool in like... it would be cool to fly or what not, but there's not much cool about superman.

Sam Spade.

[senorsheep]

superman is cool in like... it would be cool to fly or what not, but there's not much cool about superman.

Sam Spade.

I've never understood the fascination with the whole Superman concept. For being essentially omnipotent, he doesn't really get much done, what with wasting half his time pretending to be a newspaper reporter when he could be out busting up terrorist networks and managing environmental disasters and such.

Seriously, how is he a guy you can root for? I like characters who overcome flaws and deficiencies and all other manner of internal and external obstacles to succeed. When you wake up every morning and start your day with such extraordinary advantages over other men, why is it even interesting when you triumph over you lessers? Boring. Cheering for Superman is like cheering for The Yankees. Superman sucks. And he is about the polar opposite of cool.

[Midnight Otter]

I've never understood the fascination with the whole Superman concept. For being essentially omnipotent, he doesn't really get much done, what with wasting half his time pretending to be a newspaper reporter when he could be out busting up terrorist networks and managing environmental disasters and such.

Seriously, how is he a guy you can root for? I like characters who overcome flaws and deficiencies and all other manner of internal and external obstacles to succeed. When you wake up every morning and start your day with such extraordinary advantages over other men, why is it even interesting when you triumph over you lessers? Boring. Cheering for Superman is like cheering for The Yankees. Superman sucks. And he is about the polar opposite of cool.

Is that a vote for Sam Spade? sheesh

[Kevin Seitzer]

Is that a vote for Sam Spade? sheesh

It was a vote for lies, injustice, and the Communist way.

[heyelander]

I've never understood the fascination with the whole Superman concept. For being essentially omnipotent, he doesn't really get much done, what with wasting half his time pretending to be a newspaper reporter when he could be out busting up terrorist networks and managing environmental disasters and such.

http://www.seanbaby.com/superfriends/superman.htm

With Superman around there was no point in having anyone else on the team. Name one problem that a bat-shaped boomerang could solve that Superman couldn't solve in one billionth of the time. Besides helping the elderly who want to have sex with a bat-shaped boomerang, and good luck finding one of those-- I've tried. If Chuck Norris' copdog sidekick had all its legs removed and then you glued its mouth shut, you have a vague understanding of how useful the rest of the team was to Superman.

Superman has got to be jaded as hell. Besides the crap he has to put up with from Aquaman every day, he can hear the death screams of orphans for thousands of miles in every direction. That kind of thing would get to get to you. When I hear about dynamite ninjas blowing up the president, I don't feel guilty. There's nothing I could have done; I don't know how to defuse a ninja or even where the president lives. Not Superman. He can take every single obituary personally. He can go through the paper and say, "Let's see, this was the bus that fell off the bridge when I was in the bathroom... and here, I was playing ping pong when this family suffocated under tons of rubble... Oh! And I could barely get to sleep while this former skydiver was screaming for help! Ha ha ha!"

[Controller Jacobs]

"Hey Bob, Supe had a straight job
Even though he could have smashed through any bank
In the United States, he had the strength, but he would not
Folks said his family were all dead
Their planet crumbled but Superman, he forced himself
To carry on, forget Krypton, and keep going"

[onejayhawk]

I am fond of Lupe Cazeril.

He shows up on the edge of starvation, in rags and gets run down because he refuses to get out of the way of a row of knights. He finds a farmer burying a dead man, and offers to help in exchange for the dead man's clothes. After several odd events, he is the seceratary of a threadbare, unmarried noblewoman. He sacrifices his life to prevent a marriage--only he doesnt die. Instead he gets a tumor that has connections in high, and low, places. For the bulk of the book he is hunched over this painful, and presumed to be terminal, tumor, topped with visions he cannot use and powers he cannot access. Eventually he gets run through with a sword, which lances the tumor, releasing the death demon trapped inside, which in turn kills the swordsman, incidentally prviding the necessary soul to balance the ledger. When it is over, the young noblewoman, now queen, marries him to her best friend and makes him Chancellor.

What is odd about this miraculous (that is literal. It involves diety intervention continuously through the story.) transformatiion is that there is always the element of sanity, just out of reach. The convolutions he is put through, have self consistent explanations, eg "you have to die three times for practice." The story is like the mousetrap game--everything has its place, and they all need to work together to get the final result. Cazeril's elevation is a side effect of his preparations.

If you want comics, give me the sarcastic pig.

J

[senorsheep]

I am fond of Lupe Cazeril.

He shows up on the edge of starvation, in rags and gets run down because he refuses to get out of the way of a row of knights. He finds a farmer burying a dead man, and offers to help in exchange for the dead man's clothes. After several odd events, he is the seceratary of a threadbare, unmarried noblewoman. He sacrifices his life to prevent a marriage--only he doesnt die. Instead he gets a tumor that has connections in high, and low, places. For the bulk of the book he is hunched over this painful, and presumed to be terminal, tumor, topped with visions he cannot use and powers he cannot access. Eventually he gets run through with a sword, which lances the tumor, releasing the death demon trapped inside, which in turn kills the swordsman, incidentally prviding the necessary soul to balance the ledger. When it is over, the young noblewoman, now queen, marries him to her best friend and makes him Chancellor.

What is odd about this miraculous (that is literal. It involves diety intervention continuously through the story.) transformatiion is that there is always the element of sanity, just out of reach. The convolutions he is put through, have self consistent explanations, eg "you have to die three times for practice." The story is like the mousetrap game--everything has its place, and they all need to work together to get the final result. Cazeril's elevation is a side effect of his preparations.

If you want comics, give me the sarcastic pig.

J

Is that a vote for Sam Spade? sheesh

[Jefe]

By my count, I'm the 5th vote for Spade. (Anti-Superman rants count as Spade votes, right?)

Round 2:

Sam Spade
vs.
Indiana Jones

[heyelander]

By my count, I'm the 5th vote for Spade. (Anti-Superman rants count as Spade votes, right?)

Round 2:

Sam Spade
vs.
Indiana Jones

I read the Maltese Falcon, but never saw the movie. I voted for Spade only because Superman just isn't cool at all.

I'm not sure Scott's song lyrics were anti-sup though. regardless... (I think I'm using them properly here)

Indiana Jones - 1

[johnnya24]

2-0 Indy

[Jefe]

Indy 4

[Bob Kohm]

Indy 5

Indy
v
Atticus Finch

[GwynnInTheHall]

indy 1