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What is the worst thing that ever happened to you on a date ?

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  • #1

    What is the worst thing that ever happened to you on a date ?

    The phart thread made me think of this . This happened about 12 years ago . I was 21.


    My eventual wife's grandmother invites me over for Passover dinner for the first time and I accept . The whole family is there and there are a lot of giggles when I ask for someone to pass me the pot roast. The porceed to tell me all the horror stories that come with the ingesting of this meat . Because my wifes grandmama is Hungarian , its very heavy .
    Anyway, my wife and I drive over to a secluded place to make out I feel this grumbling that was so powerful I thought I would crap myself . I stop kissing, turn on the ignition and start flying to my wife's apartment , about 10 minutes away. She has no idea what happened til I screech away . It felt like I needed to pass a kidney stone. I pull up to the apartment and jump out and advise her to park the car. I then come to the dark realization , I AINT MAKIN IT!
    I drop my pants and its rolling out like molten lava . Please keep in mind , THIS IS IN THE STREET!!!!!!!! I am walking as this substance is dripping out of me . I have now **** myself and its all over my lower body. I get to the apartment buliding door and my pants are down(Thank God its 1am) and I open it only to find the elevator is broken and I have to walk like this up 6 flights and then round 2 begins as I am running with my pants down up 6 flights and more is oozing out . I finally made it to the bowl , but guess what ??? I WAS DONE!!!!!!

    My wife hasnt stopped smiling or laughing at me ever since
    After former Broncos quarterback Brian Griese sprained his ankle and said he was tripped on the stairs of his home by his golden retriever, Bella: “The dog stood up on his hind legs and gave him a push? You might want to get rid of that dog, or put him in the circus, one of the two.”
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  • #2
    My favorite post of all time.


    I believe I am the one who started the phart thread...because I think they are funny. Well no phart story will ever trump this.

    Thank you for bringing in back.

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    • #3
      so many great responses but its impossible to copy and paste because of the character limitations on a post (10000).
      After former Broncos quarterback Brian Griese sprained his ankle and said he was tripped on the stairs of his home by his golden retriever, Bella: “The dog stood up on his hind legs and gave him a push? You might want to get rid of that dog, or put him in the circus, one of the two.”

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      • #4
        I have still not eaten Hungarian pot roast ever since reading that thread.
        Originally posted by Kevin Seitzer
        We pinch ran for Altuve specifically to screw over Mith's fantasy team.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Erik View Post
          I have still not eaten Hungarian pot roast ever since reading that thread.
          And I haven't boned anyone at an elementary school since my post to the thread.....
          "You know what's wrong with America? If I lovingly tongue a woman's nipple in a movie, it gets an "NC-17" rating, if I chop it off with a machete, it's an "R". That's what's wrong with America, man...."--Dennis Hopper

          "One should judge a man mainly from his depravities. Virtues can be faked. Depravities are real." -- Klaus Kinski

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          • #6
            My date threw up on me in literally the fanciest restaurant in town.
            “Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.”
            -Ralph Waldo Emerson

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Wonderboy View Post
              My date threw up on me in literally the fanciest restaurant in town.
              Umm...you can have that effect on some......just sayin...

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Wonderboy View Post
                My date threw up on me in literally the fanciest restaurant in town.

                How drunk did you have to get her before she would let you buy her dinner at the fanciest restaurant in town?

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Gregg View Post
                  Umm...you can have that effect on some......just sayin...
                  I have not discounted that possibility!
                  “Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.”
                  -Ralph Waldo Emerson

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                  • #10
                    I'd always meant to post my worst but never got around to it so here goes. I was friendly with this gal I had met while camping but she lived about four hours away. After a few months of talking a bunch on the phone we arranged to meet up for a weekend when her parents went out of town. Since I didn't have a reliable car she came and picked me up. I was still in high school and a virgin so I figured if she would drive 8 hours to hang out with me then we'd be good to go.

                    So she shows up pretty drunk but insisted she was ok to drive. Thinking with the wrong head I got into the car with her. It was winter and the streets were pretty icy. We are driving thru a park way too fast and hit a patch of black ice. My life flashed before my eyes as we headed straight for a massive tree but fortunately veered off at the last second. I was furious and made her stop the car so I could drive. (It's ok I remember thinking, road head is even better than sex, right?) She quickly passed out for most of the trip.

                    The fun didn't end there, however. Her parents were in fact out of town, but she forgot to mention that her psycho older brother would keeping tabs on her and I'm still unsure how I managed to avoid physical violence with him when he found us in her parents' apt.

                    But the best was yet to come. She took me to this 'barn-party' (this is rural Nebraska) and we ended up getting lit up and then went to one of her friends' houses afterward, who happened to be a 300 pound lineman on the Wyoming football team. He and his meathead friends were razzing each other and at one point one of them said, "man we told you stop talking about the sheep" and meathead lineman replied "yea you guys all knock it until you try it." So I was sitting there just a few yards from a sheep-f*(&er and I had to stifle my laughter b/c he probably would have made me his sheep.

                    And yes, of course she just wanted to be friends. About 4 years ago she contacted me on friendster or myspace (remember those?) and I replied that I still talk about the sheep-f#*ker. That was the last I heard from her.
                    Last edited by DMT; 01-27-2011, 10:18 AM.
                    If DMT didn't exist we would have to invent it. There has to be a weirdest thing. Once we have the concept weird, there has to be a weirdest thing. And DMT is simply it.
                    - Terence McKenna

                    Bullshit is everywhere. - George Carlin (& Jon Stewart)

                    How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? - Satchel Paige

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Fresno Bob View Post
                      And I haven't boned anyone at an elementary school since my post to the thread.....
                      Ummm...in the event that The Government Agency who monitors us is reading the above quote. It is not as it seems. He is talking location, late at night, with someone his own age. I know it looks bad, but I know Fresno and he would not do as the thread suggests. In the event that you do not believe me and I am now under investigation, bring in on.

                      Yours Truly,

                      Bob Kohm






                      Bob I hope you take it in the spirit it was intended.

                      Regards,

                      Wonderboy

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Originally posted by DMT View Post
                        I'd always meant to post my worst but never got around to it so here goes. I was friendly with this gal I had met while camping but she lived about four hours away. After a few months of talking a bunch on the phone we arranged to meet up for a weekend when her parents went out of town. Since I didn't have a reliable car she came and picked me up. I was still in high school and a virgin so I figured if she would drive 8 hours to hang out with me then we'd be good to go.

                        So she shows up pretty drunk but insisted she was ok to drive. Thinking with the wrong head I got into the car with her. It was winter and the streets were pretty icy. We are driving thru a park way too fast and hit a patch of black ice. My life flashed before my eyes as we headed straight for a massive tree but fortunately veered off at the last second. I was furious and made her stop the car so I could drive. (It's ok I remember thinking, road head is even better than sex, right?) She quickly passed out for most of the trip.

                        The fun didn't end there, however. Her parents were in fact out of town, but she forgot to mention that her psycho older brother would keeping tabs on her and I'm still unsure how I managed to avoid physical violence with him when he found us in her parents' apt.

                        But the best was yet to come. She took me to this 'barn-party' (this is rural Nebraska) and we ended up getting lit up and then went to one of her friends' houses afterward, who happened to be a 300 pound lineman on the Wyoming football team. He and his meathead friends were razzing each other and at one point one of them said, "man we told you stop talking about the sheep" and meathead lineman replied "yea you guys all knock it until you try it." So I was sitting there just a few yards from a sheep-f*(&er and I had to stifle my laughter b/c he probably would have made me his sheep.

                        And yes, of course she just wanted to be friends. About 4 years ago she contacted me on friendster or myspace (remember those?) and I replied that I still talk about the sheep-f#*ker. That was the last I heard from her.
                        We had a friend who tapped a horse. We called him PonyBoy
                        After former Broncos quarterback Brian Griese sprained his ankle and said he was tripped on the stairs of his home by his golden retriever, Bella: “The dog stood up on his hind legs and gave him a push? You might want to get rid of that dog, or put him in the circus, one of the two.”

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Hammer View Post
                          We had a friend who tapped a horse. We called him PonyBoy
                          Stay golden*....










                          * - I'm sure that's a whole 'nother part of the story...
                          I always liked Alfonseca and he is twice the pitcher Hall of Famer Mordecai Brown was - cavebird 12-8-05
                          You'd be surprised on how much 16 months in a federal pen can motivate you - gashousegang 7-31-06
                          "...That said, the hippo will always be the gold standard here" - Heyelander's VD XII avatar analysis of SeaDogStat 1-29-07
                          It's surprising that attempts to coordinate large groups of socially retarded people would end in this kind of chaos. - Cobain's Ghost 12-19-07

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                          • #14
                            I can't recall doing anything particularly terrible on a date, but there are a couple instances I can remember that happened to me...

                            My freshman year of college I was invited to a sorority formal by a girl I had hooked up with once or twice. Wasn't that into her, but sorority functions are always fun so I agreed. We proceeded to pre-party heavily at the hotel she and her friends had gotten and while I had quite the buzz going, she was waaaasted. Dressed in the tux she had rented me, she managed to puke all over me on the bus ride to the formal and her friends had to clean me up the best they could once we got there. Needless to say, we did not hook up that night.

                            Another was a girl I dated a bit a couple years ago. Pretty good-looking, amazing rack, but lacked the little things that make women hot (poor fashion sense, didn't do herself up well, etc.) One night we were hooking up at her place when a flake from her hideously chapped lips came off while we were making out and ended up in my mouth. As any warm-blooded male would do, I still allowed her to slap me around with those huge melons, but that happened to be the last time I saw her.

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                            • #15
                              Time for a bump of one of the most memorable confessions ever provided...... Its too bad we lost the entire thread.
                              It is wrong and ultimately self-defeating for a nation of immigrants to permit the kind of abuse of our immigration laws we have seen in recent years and we must stop it.
                              Bill Clinton 1995, State of the Union Address

                              "When they go low - we go High" great motto - too bad it was a sack of bullshit. DNC election mantra

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