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View Full Version : What is the worst thing that ever happened to you on a date ?



Hammer
01-26-2011, 11:07 AM
The phart thread made me think of this . This happened about 12 years ago . I was 21.


My eventual wife's grandmother invites me over for Passover dinner for the first time and I accept . The whole family is there and there are a lot of giggles when I ask for someone to pass me the pot roast. The porceed to tell me all the horror stories that come with the ingesting of this meat . Because my wifes grandmama is Hungarian , its very heavy .
Anyway, my wife and I drive over to a secluded place to make out I feel this grumbling that was so powerful I thought I would crap myself . I stop kissing, turn on the ignition and start flying to my wife's apartment , about 10 minutes away. She has no idea what happened til I screech away . It felt like I needed to pass a kidney stone. I pull up to the apartment and jump out and advise her to park the car. I then come to the dark realization , I AINT MAKIN IT!
I drop my pants and its rolling out like molten lava . Please keep in mind , THIS IS IN THE STREET!!!!!!!! I am walking as this substance is dripping out of me . I have now **** myself and its all over my lower body. I get to the apartment buliding door and my pants are down(Thank God its 1am) and I open it only to find the elevator is broken and I have to walk like this up 6 flights and then round 2 begins as I am running with my pants down up 6 flights and more is oozing out . I finally made it to the bowl , but guess what ??? I WAS DONE!!!!!!

My wife hasnt stopped smiling or laughing at me ever since

Gregg
01-26-2011, 11:24 AM
My favorite post of all time.


I believe I am the one who started the phart thread...because I think they are funny. Well no phart story will ever trump this.

Thank you for bringing in back.

Hammer
01-26-2011, 11:58 AM
so many great responses but its impossible to copy and paste because of the character limitations on a post (10000).

Erik
01-26-2011, 04:54 PM
I have still not eaten Hungarian pot roast ever since reading that thread.

Fresno Bob
01-26-2011, 05:58 PM
I have still not eaten Hungarian pot roast ever since reading that thread.

And I haven't boned anyone at an elementary school since my post to the thread.....

Wonderboy
01-27-2011, 10:01 AM
My date threw up on me in literally the fanciest restaurant in town.

Gregg
01-27-2011, 10:55 AM
My date threw up on me in literally the fanciest restaurant in town.

Umm...you can have that effect on some......just sayin...

Gregg
01-27-2011, 10:56 AM
My date threw up on me in literally the fanciest restaurant in town.


How drunk did you have to get her before she would let you buy her dinner at the fanciest restaurant in town?

Wonderboy
01-27-2011, 11:03 AM
Umm...you can have that effect on some......just sayin...

I have not discounted that possibility!

DMT
01-27-2011, 11:16 AM
I'd always meant to post my worst but never got around to it so here goes. I was friendly with this gal I had met while camping but she lived about four hours away. After a few months of talking a bunch on the phone we arranged to meet up for a weekend when her parents went out of town. Since I didn't have a reliable car she came and picked me up. I was still in high school and a virgin so I figured if she would drive 8 hours to hang out with me then we'd be good to go.

So she shows up pretty drunk but insisted she was ok to drive. Thinking with the wrong head I got into the car with her. It was winter and the streets were pretty icy. We are driving thru a park way too fast and hit a patch of black ice. My life flashed before my eyes as we headed straight for a massive tree but fortunately veered off at the last second. I was furious and made her stop the car so I could drive. (It's ok I remember thinking, road head is even better than sex, right?) She quickly passed out for most of the trip.

The fun didn't end there, however. Her parents were in fact out of town, but she forgot to mention that her psycho older brother would keeping tabs on her and I'm still unsure how I managed to avoid physical violence with him when he found us in her parents' apt.

But the best was yet to come. She took me to this 'barn-party' (this is rural Nebraska) and we ended up getting lit up and then went to one of her friends' houses afterward, who happened to be a 300 pound lineman on the Wyoming football team. He and his meathead friends were razzing each other and at one point one of them said, "man we told you stop talking about the sheep" and meathead lineman replied "yea you guys all knock it until you try it." So I was sitting there just a few yards from a sheep-f*(&er and I had to stifle my laughter b/c he probably would have made me his sheep.

And yes, of course she just wanted to be friends. About 4 years ago she contacted me on friendster or myspace (remember those?) and I replied that I still talk about the sheep-f#*ker. That was the last I heard from her.

Gregg
01-27-2011, 11:17 AM
And I haven't boned anyone at an elementary school since my post to the thread.....

Ummm...in the event that The Government Agency who monitors us is reading the above quote. It is not as it seems. He is talking location, late at night, with someone his own age. I know it looks bad, but I know Fresno and he would not do as the thread suggests. In the event that you do not believe me and I am now under investigation, bring in on.

Yours Truly,

Bob Kohm






Bob I hope you take it in the spirit it was intended.

Regards,

Wonderboy

Hammer
01-27-2011, 11:41 AM
I'd always meant to post my worst but never got around to it so here goes. I was friendly with this gal I had met while camping but she lived about four hours away. After a few months of talking a bunch on the phone we arranged to meet up for a weekend when her parents went out of town. Since I didn't have a reliable car she came and picked me up. I was still in high school and a virgin so I figured if she would drive 8 hours to hang out with me then we'd be good to go.

So she shows up pretty drunk but insisted she was ok to drive. Thinking with the wrong head I got into the car with her. It was winter and the streets were pretty icy. We are driving thru a park way too fast and hit a patch of black ice. My life flashed before my eyes as we headed straight for a massive tree but fortunately veered off at the last second. I was furious and made her stop the car so I could drive. (It's ok I remember thinking, road head is even better than sex, right?) She quickly passed out for most of the trip.

The fun didn't end there, however. Her parents were in fact out of town, but she forgot to mention that her psycho older brother would keeping tabs on her and I'm still unsure how I managed to avoid physical violence with him when he found us in her parents' apt.

But the best was yet to come. She took me to this 'barn-party' (this is rural Nebraska) and we ended up getting lit up and then went to one of her friends' houses afterward, who happened to be a 300 pound lineman on the Wyoming football team. He and his meathead friends were razzing each other and at one point one of them said, "man we told you stop talking about the sheep" and meathead lineman replied "yea you guys all knock it until you try it." So I was sitting there just a few yards from a sheep-f*(&er and I had to stifle my laughter b/c he probably would have made me his sheep.

And yes, of course she just wanted to be friends. About 4 years ago she contacted me on friendster or myspace (remember those?) and I replied that I still talk about the sheep-f#*ker. That was the last I heard from her.

We had a friend who tapped a horse. We called him PonyBoy

SeaDogStat
01-27-2011, 01:00 PM
We had a friend who tapped a horse. We called him PonyBoy

Stay golden*....










* - I'm sure that's a whole 'nother part of the story...

overkill94
01-27-2011, 10:42 PM
I can't recall doing anything particularly terrible on a date, but there are a couple instances I can remember that happened to me...

My freshman year of college I was invited to a sorority formal by a girl I had hooked up with once or twice. Wasn't that into her, but sorority functions are always fun so I agreed. We proceeded to pre-party heavily at the hotel she and her friends had gotten and while I had quite the buzz going, she was waaaasted. Dressed in the tux she had rented me, she managed to puke all over me on the bus ride to the formal and her friends had to clean me up the best they could once we got there. Needless to say, we did not hook up that night.

Another was a girl I dated a bit a couple years ago. Pretty good-looking, amazing rack, but lacked the little things that make women hot (poor fashion sense, didn't do herself up well, etc.) One night we were hooking up at her place when a flake from her hideously chapped lips came off while we were making out and ended up in my mouth. As any warm-blooded male would do, I still allowed her to slap me around with those huge melons, but that happened to be the last time I saw her.

baldgriff
12-31-2012, 01:10 PM
Time for a bump of one of the most memorable confessions ever provided...... Its too bad we lost the entire thread.

Don Quixote
01-01-2013, 08:17 PM
I think of Hammer's story every Passover. When someone overhears me muttering, "I hope they're not serving pot roast," I get some very strange looks.

ThatRogue
03-24-2016, 09:43 AM
Whatever happened to that story? Was it brought over from the old site? I remember simultaneously feeling bad for Pete...but laughing uncontrollably while reading it.Nevermind...I found it (or at least this abbreviated version of it). :)

ThatRogue
03-24-2016, 11:07 AM
A woman's version of a Hammer-like story? http://www.mtv.com/news/2798040/blotty-poop-date-purse-twitter-tweets/?xrs=_s.tw_news

bryanbutler
03-24-2016, 01:30 PM
not one mention of the friarfan chronicles in a thread about the worst thing that happened to you on a date?!?

Steve
03-24-2016, 05:25 PM
This is not the worst, but it's a silly story. On one of my wife's and mine first dates we were at a "fancy" restaurant. One of the waitresses walked past our table and I admit my eyes wandered a bit as she was wearing a very short skirt. (I'm terrible). Anyway, I look back and my future wife is busy dabbing the white table cloth with a napkin. Apparently, she had eaten a cherry tomato from her salad, bit it in the middle and it sprayed tomato bits and seeds all over the table while my head was turned.

Now before you get started on me, my wife NEVER minded if she ever caught me looking at another woman. She said that just proved that I was a guy and that my heart was still beating! Rats, now I'm tearing up again.