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virgonomic
02-01-2011, 08:28 PM
We dated for just shy of 6 months.

She has her son Mon/Wed nights and every other weekend.

The reason the relationship ended: her work schedule changed and whereas she used to be done at 3pm Tue/Thu and start late the next morning, she now works until 8 or 9 Tue/Thu and at 7 the next morning, so no more sleepovers, and even dates were difficult. The relationship was gradually suffocated. Her advice: you're great, lets stay friends because things might be different in the future, don't date a single mother.

Any advice?

Moonlight J
02-01-2011, 08:45 PM
Get over her by getting under another one

Best advice I ever got

Lucky
02-01-2011, 09:16 PM
I can't tell you what to do in your case, but I can say for certain that eliminating single mothers from the potential dating pool will eliminate a tremendous number of wonderful, caring, beautiful, desirable potential partners.

Lucky
02-01-2011, 09:17 PM
Get over her by getting under another one

Best advice I ever got

Wow, Jason has over 34,000 posts since January 2011???? No wonder he's tired.

Erik
02-01-2011, 09:20 PM
Any advice?

Did you see her as a potential long-term partner, derailed only by the schedule change? Or were there other issues that might have doomed the relationship eventually anyway?

If the latter, then try to move on as soon as you can.

If the former, stay in touch, but don't put your life on hold for her.

virgonomic
02-01-2011, 09:22 PM
MJ: Well said. However, I tend to be single for long periods and probably won't be successful if my mission is to get laid.

Lucky: I agree. On our first date we talked about our kids and I felt she understood my situation (I don't see my daughter due to an 'uncooperative' ex, which is another thread). Dating a single mother wasn't ideal and I didn't like how she doted on him and ignored me when the three of us were together (I'm exaggerating a bit) but she was great, especially during months 2-3 which were the honeymoon phase.

virgonomic
02-01-2011, 09:24 PM
Did you see her as a potential long-term partner, derailed only by the schedule change? Or were there other issues that might have doomed the relationship eventually anyway?

If the latter, then try to move on as soon as you can.

If the former, stay in touch, but don't put your life on hold for her.

More the former. Like I said, we had a few great months before life got in the way.

Wonderboy
02-02-2011, 10:00 AM
Tough situation and my sympathies to you. This kind of thing is no fun at all and I wish I had some magic formula to help. I do agree with Lucky not to completely eliminate single mothers. But I have to say, that certainly creates a whole lot of problems.

Fresno Bob
02-02-2011, 12:04 PM
http://media.ebaumsworld.com/picture/Daeric/SupportSingleMoms.png

Gregg
02-02-2011, 12:40 PM
There seems to be something more going on here. I take it that she is the one that ended the relationship do to scheduling conficts?

I don't know, seems to me feelings are moving in a forward direction to the possibility of long term, you don't let inconvenience stand in the way. Seems like a cop out or a good excuse to end it.

I am sorry for your pain.

I agree that you should not rule out single mothers. I would also add that any woman that I would want to be involved with would put their children in front of me. If they do not, that would be a red flag for any type of future.

Wonderboy
02-02-2011, 02:15 PM
There seems to be something more going on here. I take it that she is the one that ended the relationship do to scheduling conficts?

I don't know, seems to me feelings are moving in a forward direction to the possibility of long term, you don't let inconvenience stand in the way. Seems like a cop out or a good excuse to end it.

I am sorry for your pain.

I agree that you should not rule out single mothers. I would also add that any woman that I would want to be involved with would put their children in front of me. If they do not, that would be a red flag for any type of future.

Agree on all points.

virgonomic
02-02-2011, 02:55 PM
There seems to be something more going on here. I take it that she is the one that ended the relationship do to scheduling conficts?

I don't know, seems to me feelings are moving in a forward direction to the possibility of long term, you don't let inconvenience stand in the way. Seems like a cop out or a good excuse to end it.

She has been wrestling with this for a while. She told me a couple times recently that she talked to her sister about it and couldn't see it working out short term. She and I first talked a few weeks ago and she expressed concern that "we aren't building anything" due to the lack of time spent together. She also had little to no time for her friends and that was weighing on her. I don't think she would have taken 3 weeks to decide if she knew she wanted out.

I believe that we are on the same page and that she was honest with me. She did a good job of hiding how chaotic her life has been trying to balance everything.

Gregg
02-02-2011, 03:18 PM
She has been wrestling with this for a while. She told me a couple times recently that she talked to her sister about it and couldn't see it working out short term. She and I first talked a few weeks ago and she expressed concern that "we aren't building anything" due to the lack of time spent together. She also had little to no time for her friends and that was weighing on her. I don't think she would have taken 3 weeks to decide if she knew she wanted out.

I believe that we are on the same page and that she was honest with me. She did a good job of hiding how chaotic her life has been trying to balance everything.

Then you are most fortunate to have it end know instead of letting your feelings continue to grow.

I hope that you find the right woman for yourself.

Take time to heal up, it seems we find the keepers when we are not looking too hard.

virgonomic
02-02-2011, 04:05 PM
Thanks to all of you for your kind words. I know time heals all wounds, and believe in taking time to grieve.

virgonomic
02-27-2011, 03:11 AM
Get over her by getting under another one

Best advice I ever got

Done. And she knew this phrase. We've been friends for a few years. Lets hope it works.

mjl
02-27-2011, 05:54 PM
I can't tell you what to do in your case, but I can say for certain that eliminating single mothers from the potential dating pool will eliminate a tremendous number of wonderful, caring, beautiful, desirable potential partners.

Well, yes, but do you think that single mothers are on average more wonderful, caring, beautiful, or desirable? We're on a baseball statistics site here, let's get some critical thinking going. Keep in mind that both Mother Teresa and Hitler were single mothers, so there's a pretty broad range there.

My analysis would be that single mothers are pretty representative of the entire dating pool, with the possible caveats that you already know that they've been in at least one majorly failed relationship (although you don't know how much of that is their fault). In general I think single non-mothers are probably less of a headache for the reasons described in the initial post. So depending on how big you think your pool of dating possibilities is, if you don't think you'll miss the removal of some (relatively small) percentage, I would say go for it.

Also depends on your age and the age of your potential partners, of course -- if you're looking at 40-50 year olds, it's possible that the ones who've never been married have some other major flaws rather than just not having gotten around to it yet, and the percentage of single mothers in that pool might be a bit larger and more relevant.

Single mothers: they're single women, but with kids. Is that a net benefit?

- Mike

billbuckner
02-27-2011, 06:56 PM
Hitler was a single mother?

Bob Kohm
02-27-2011, 07:00 PM
Hitler was a single mother?

You'd be cranky too if you had to push Hermann Goering out through an opening the size of a bratwurst.

Fresno Bob
02-28-2011, 12:48 AM
You'd be cranky too if you had to push Hermann Goering out through an opening the size of a bratwurst.

and then later having to give Jesse Owens 4 gold medals for doing it faster, Poland never had a chance...

mjl
02-28-2011, 02:47 AM
Hitler was a single mother?

It's actually pretty well known among serious WW2 historians. I'm surprised you haven't heard about it. Did you know that Hitler insisted on giving birth via Caesarean because of his respect for the Roman emperor, and the Valkyrie conspiracy was only foiled because he brought his kids to work that day since the day care was closed and they were playing under the conference table where the briefcase with the bomb was hidden?

- Mike

Gregg
02-28-2011, 10:44 AM
Well, yes, but do you think that single mothers are on average more wonderful, caring, beautiful, or desirable? We're on a baseball statistics site here, let's get some critical thinking going. Keep in mind that both Mother Teresa and Hitler were single mothers, so there's a pretty broad range there.

My analysis would be that single mothers are pretty representative of the entire dating pool, with the possible caveats that you already know that they've been in at least one majorly failed relationship (although you don't know how much of that is their fault). In general I think single non-mothers are probably less of a headache for the reasons described in the initial post. So depending on how big you think your pool of dating possibilities is, if you don't think you'll miss the removal of some (relatively small) percentage, I would say go for it.

Also depends on your age and the age of your potential partners, of course -- if you're looking at 40-50 year olds, it's possible that the ones who've never been married have some other major flaws rather than just not having gotten around to it yet, and the percentage of single mothers in that pool might be a bit larger and more relevant.

Single mothers: they're single women, but with kids. Is that a net benefit?

- Mike

It would seem to me that one of the issues in dating single mothers is that you have to expect that their children must come first, always. Well at least until they are full grown. If you are a strong enough man to handle that, dating will be easier. If not stay away.