Lightly humorous to hilarious fantasy baseball stories.

[Gregg]

I am sure that yours will be funnier than mine at least I hope so.

Anytime my wife hears me on the phone trying to work a trade she yells "Don't do it!" "Run away!" to the person I am trying to trade with.

This has been going on for 19 or 20 years.

[Lucky]

I am sure that yours will be funnier than mine at least I hope so.

Anytime my wife hears me on the phone trying to work a trade she yells "Don't do it!" "Run away!" to the person I am trying to trade with.

This has been going on for 19 or 20 years.

I think that is hilarious, and I laughed out loud when I read it. She sounds like a hoot. I'm still laughing, picturing that in my mind.

It's the "Run Away!" part that does it for me.

[DMT]

One of my friends asked this question near the end of our auction a few years ago, "so we can nominate anyone we want?" When given the affirmative he proceeded to nominate my wife for $1. I couldn't bid two. And the bastard kept her on his bench all year...he finished last.

[DMT]

We have this other guy who is generally a California hipster but can get wiggy. He wasn't in the league that year but he was sort of handling auctioneering duties. He had one of those hard spongy balls in his hand and was tossing it to himself. Then he picked up a whiffle bat and got this strange look on his face before taking a full one-handed swing at the ball. In a room full of 12 dudes with laptops and assorted beverages, there was a very high disaster quotient to this decision. Fortunately, that is for everyone but the recipient, the ball hit one guy right in the face.

[heyelander]

I think I've told this one before...
(we had a team fold prior to the season and all his MiLB guys had gotten thrown back into the pool. PONY lets you bid on Minors guys at auction but you have to keep them on your active reserve list and they progress as a normal contract (2 years, then extensions at 5 per)

2010 PONY Draft... dollar days... I've got the highest max bid left and I've been saving my U spot for Lastings Millage. the guy next to me has $1 left for 1 spot. it comes around to him and he calls out Mike Stanton. I'm only paying half attention and I think, oh, he's that outfield prospect from Seattle. He's supposed to be decent, so I bid $2, no one else bids (it's possibly no one else could have rostered him). The guy curses me to no end. I just smile knowingly at him. A couple of days later, after the teams have been entered online I look at my team and I see Mike Stanton, OF MIA. I'm like, who is this guy? I thought I got the guy from Seattle. I look it up and oh, crap, that's Michael Saunders. Who's this Stanton dude? I look him up and, oh, hey, that seems like an even better pick up than Saunders. The guy from the draft is still giving me crap online for stealing his dude, so I told him that I didn't even know who I was bidding on and thought I was getting a different player. Stanton is still on my team this year at $17. Thank god he hadn't changed his name to Giancarlo at that point or I would have never picked him up.

[DMT]

Another guy brought his wife's new laptop to an auction despite her disapproval. Within the first 15 minutes he spilled his drink on it and killed it. He had a 1000-yard stare the rest of the day.

[heyelander]

he finished last.

Must have been a nice change of pace for her.

[Hobbesmonkey]

One of my friends asked this question near the end of our auction a few years ago, "so we can nominate anyone we want?" When given the affirmative he proceeded to nominate my wife for $1. I couldn't bid two. And the bastard kept her on his bench all year...he finished last.

[DMT]

Must have been a nice change of pace for her.

Hahah

[Fresno Bob]

I think I've told this story before, but my primary home league that the Dane joined 4 years ago used to be populated with degenerate drunks. One year a guy was drafting by speakerphone and got so hammered that he passed out about two hours into an 8 hour auction, hours later his baby momma came home and found him passed out, and proceeded to destroy his XBox with a baseball bat, neighbors called the cops, cops took her away, then he dialled back into the auction.

Another year, one of the degenerate drunk owners basically auctioned from the floor under the table......he did provide one of the best drunken baseball auction lines ever delivered, "Oh shit, get me a trashcan, I think I'm going to get Keith Ooooooosik"

[Fresno Bob]

Must have been a nice change of pace for her.

awesome!

[Fresno Bob]

Back in my startup days I offerred up my worksite for the Degenerate Drunks auction, worksites tend to be pretty good, big conference rooms, good wifi, free sodas, good speakerphones for the one guy that declares the day before that he can't make the auction in person, that sort of thing. Plus it is sunday, so we should have the space to ourselves, there's 12 of us, so at least 4 cases of beer are being carried in, I've got a couple of bottles of champagne to toast the new season and a couple bottles of wine to share, at least three baseball bats are being carried.

We all barge into the large conference room, only to find my executive board meeting with the three largest investors. They have a look of terror that you can't believe. "Opps, didn't realize this conference room was being used, we'll use the other one" stumbles out of my mouth as a couple of the more savvy owners back everyone else out of the room.

The next day my CEO tells me that they all almost wet their pants as they were meeting to discuss a layoff and a reverse split of the stock and thought that I had rallied the company to kick their asses. "Not this time, since neither of those apply to me, right?" was my smoother answer that time.

[MrFurious]

This isn't fantasy related, but it is baseball...

Not long after I got married, I mentioned to my bride that I wanted to go to spring training. She said to me with a puzzled look on her face, "Do you really think they will let you play?"

[rhd]

Back in my startup days I offerred up my worksite for the Degenerate Drunks auction, worksites tend to be pretty good, big conference rooms, good wifi, free sodas, good speakerphones for the one guy that declares the day before that he can't make the auction in person, that sort of thing. Plus it is sunday, so we should have the space to ourselves, there's 12 of us, so at least 4 cases of beer are being carried in, I've got a couple of bottles of champagne to toast the new season and a couple bottles of wine to share, at least three baseball bats are being carried.

We all barge into the large conference room, only to find my executive board meeting with the three largest investors. They have a look of terror that you can't believe. "Opps, didn't realize this conference room was being used, we'll use the other one" stumbles out of my mouth as a couple of the more savvy owners back everyone else out of the room.

The next day my CEO tells me that they all almost wet their pants as they were meeting to discuss a layoff and a reverse split of the stock and thought that I had rallied the company to kick their asses. "Not this time, since neither of those apply to me, right?" was my smoother answer that time.

Hilarious!

[heyelander]

Ex-Wife (when she was still my wife): "are you okay?"
Me: "Yeah, fine"
...
Ex: "You sure you're okay?"
Me: "huh? yeah, fine."
...
...
Ex: "are you mad at me for some reason?"
Me: "what? No, I'm not mad about anything..."
Ex: "I can't do anything about it if you don't tell me"
Me: "really, nothing is wrong"
...
...
Ex: "Allright, something is obviously bothering you today, If I did something, I'm sorry, I just wish you would tell me..."
Me: "You really want to know what's bother me today?"
Ex: "Yes, please!"
Me: "I'm playing this game on rotojunkie where you can draft any player in the history of baseball, but you can only draft one player whose initial starts with each letter of the alphabet... so if you draft Micky Mantle, you can't draft Gregg Maddux later or whatnot. the winner is decided by who has the best stats once your team is drafted. I need to sort out my pitching ratios, and I need a guy with great ratios and lots of innings to do it. Problem is, the best fit for my team to do that is a guy named Jim McCormick who played back in the late 1800s. The problem with him is his name is McCormick and M is one of the most popular last initials in the game, along with B and W... You would be surprised how many last names start with W... plus, he's a vintage pitcher and I can only select so many of those... so, I'm sitting here trying to decide if my need for ratios is dire enough to warrant using my only M initial on... Otherwise I'm going to have to..."
Ex: "okay, just stop, sorry I asked"